Boston Legal

Been watching episodes of "Boston Legal" which truly was one of the best shows on television. In this episode "Juiced" they do something they did a lot in the last season, they came close to breaking the wall between a scripted TV show and the viewers.

Carl Sack: You know, the only show unafraid to have its stars over 50 is "Bo..."...
Carl Sack: Gee, I can't say it.
[- gesturing toward the cameras and the audience - ]
Carl Sack: It would, um, break the wall.

I love it. They used when appropriate old footage from previous movies and actors to describe memories. They even wrote an episode in a previous season based around a TV show William Shatner did in the 50s, where he played a lawyer with another actor as his father. It was an excellent episode.

The writing is incredible. The actors are incredible. The man who plays "Carl Sack" was in Night Court in the 80s playing a sex driven money grubbing bootlick. He was good there. He is GREAT here, playing much the opposite although still very dapper.

Most members of this cast have had great success in both television and in movies. Sometimes it seems it is the show were old Star Trek characters go, one of the leads played "Odo" on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, another - a judge - played Quark on the same series. Denny Crane one of the leads played by William Shatner was of course James T Kirk in every form of Star Trek right up until 2009's Star Trek film.




my hands hurt like hell, the pains swarming again, i'm done for now.

Its not actually Woodstock, I think this was 1970.

Watch Joe Cocker in the first 30 seconds. Just try to contemplate what drugs he was on? Good God, to feel that good! I think my friend Paul is heading over, I have some stuff for his motorcycle, the 2004 Moto Guzzi 750 Breva. Used to be my Moto Guzzi. Greatest bike I ever had. Well greatest modern bike, my 73 Triumph and 78 BMW were both WONDERFUL bikes!

This is my more recent Youtube vid, little bit of motorcycle talk, little bit of music, and some pipe tobacco


I've got my homeless man's beard going on, and my slicked back hair. I'm not shaving till summer time, 'cept over and under the lip hahaha. My beard is growing red like my father's. We are different men though, different experiences. I have tattoos, pop never did that.

Back in Phoenix, pre-tattoo, no beard, more hair



Different pipe, made by the same company, and HORRIBLE tobacco. Thats some of the worst stuff I ever smoked, but at $19 a tin, you smoke everything you've got. In the background you can see a bag from a record store in San Fran - I<3 Records. You can see a picture of my friend Liam who I think the world of. Pictures of the Moto Guzzi, Triumph, Triton, Jack Nicholson on a Harley, lol. Pepsi and Pipe tobacco, my two drugs.

My hair was slicked back with 00 grease. I have 5 gallons of that at Brent's house, its used in old (and I mean OLD) motorcycle gearboxes. We're talking 1955 and back. Considering my dream machine is 1967 though, how old is old?

Here's another one


This is or was not long after I got home from Phoenix. I shaved my head about a month before I came home. You can tell a fair amount about me from my videos, you can get a real idea for what kind of a guy I am. Sometimes words on a page just don't quite cut it.

That stereo is now in the room we started in, my bedroom. I now have a queen size bed, the workbench is just a workbench. The house was built in the 20's here in Worcester. Big old house. Not a standard New Englander when it comes down to it, but its weathered 91 years of New England winters, so there's that.

I'm done for a bit.

Peace!

Another one bites the dust

I just got word that Tom's dead. Since that list was last updated Mike, Shawn, Patrick, Mark, all died. There are only 4 of us left. I want to cry. I want to scream out. I can't. I'm numb. I'm immune.

I have now been diagnosed with 3 syndromes and PTSD. I am 25. I have seen so much death. I have seen so much. 

I tried to go work the phones at SJ tonight to try to raise money for the annual fund. My body locked up before it started. I did get to see a couple old friends from high school though which was cool. 

I'm tired and I feel old as the moon. I don't like this. I don't like feeling like this. I miss being touched. I miss being cuddled. I have not been held by another guy in 10 years. I don't know when again... or if I ever will be again. Tom died from Heroin. Tom died because he was doing porn at the age of 13. I don't even know Tom's real name, and he died not ever knowing mine. Isn't that a kick in the head?

I'm just seeking a shelter from this storm.

Hard Night

It's 6:44AM at this moment, and I haven't written here in a while. I haven't written anywhere in a while, I just haven't felt much like writing. Life has been more valleys than hills. The other night I actually sawed open my old gun safe hoping to find a revolver I remembered keeping in there some time back, instead I found a book that saved my life when I was 15, and a suicide note I wrote when I was 18. You have to laugh at the irony. 

My mother had a bit of a breakdown last night. I haven't seen or experienced anything so utterly shattering since my father died. She was smart though, she wanted to go to the hospital. So I got ready to take her and then Al showed up and at first he tried to stop it - didn't realize how serious things were, but then he did a turn around and off we went. For a little while we didn't think she would be admitted, and then things turned out and we met with a social worker and she suggested mom go in for 3 days. She's in a hospital in one of the surrounding towns. 

I'm so used to feeling suicidal. I'm so used to feeling like the world is crashing down on top of me. I'm not used to watching mom come unglued, I've never actually seen it happen. Her boss holds a lot of responsibility for this and I want to hit him REALLY hard with a baseball bat. 

So here I am, here I am sitting here in my bed in mom's house and my body feels like total shit, broken down, and where is mom? She's in the hospital. That leaves me taking care of the dog and the cat for a few days, doing up the dishes when I can, some laundry. Holy shit. Just... holy shit.

I have the car on the road at last, so that is very good. That is very very good. I'd be right fucked if I didn't. I'd be full on out of my fucking head. I'm getting there anyways. I'm getting there. How much? How can this be? 

Don't let it bring you down... it's only castles burning.

Tonight.. Tonight..

But can you fake it?

For just one more show..

and what do you want?

I want to change

And what do you got?

When you feel the same

Even though I know...

and I lost it... and yes I know its a different song than the title. I'm feeling random tonight. 

I'm on stickam at the moment in the forum room with AJ, Carl, Dave, and Stefan. It's a good way to fill the hours when you have no other choice.

Brent was here earlier. That was good. 

We sorted the tools, pulled the engine out of the Norton frame and figured out some mounting work. I have to cut the center stand brackets off for sure. Then I want to clean up the frame and spray the lower bits with truck bed liner so that it won't rust in the winter time. The upper ends of the frame will be sprayed with fresh black rustoliam I think. 

Engine plates will be in 2 places, front and back, no bottom mounts for now. 

We also have worked out the idea for the head pipes again, we just have to figure out the best way to do it. If all else fails I'll have to pay someone, but there is a GREAT muffler shop in town. 

As you can see I am a big fan of Eddie Vedder - not just his music, but the man. 

I have been thinking of dad a LOT lately. God I miss him so much. I know that he is proud of me, I have been fighting so hard. My life isn't working out the way I'd planned you know. I thought I'd be a history teacher, or a camera man, or a techie, or a chef, or a motorcycle mechanic.... ANYTHING... not a bed ridden, underweight, muscle lacking, stressed out....

this isn't self doubt or anything. My friends, so many of my old friends are dead. Sam died in my arms. Nick was dead long before he died. 

But I am still alive. I may be sick, I may have 3 syndromes, but I will fucking beat it. No one will ever stop me. I am my father's son. 

If I want something, then I fight like hell for it. 

Another wedding picture

That is my brother, myself, Mom, Father Tom, and Justin as we wait for Lisa - my brother's new wife to come down the isle. I think every guy up there had his heart in his mouth at the time. 

We're contemplating turning into a more traditional New Englander family. Selling this monster of a house and buying a 3 unit. Mom would take the 1st floor, I'd get the 2nd or 3rd. It depends on if Al & Lisa want to move in. If they did and decided to have a kid soon then Mom & I would be around to help with the raising of said child. Then again I don't relish the idea of pulling down ALL these pics! Even if it does mean I have my own pad again. God I miss having my own apartment, I mean this is close, but it's still my mother's basement *sigh* 

My health doesn't seem to improve very fast. 3 Syndromes it looks like *shakes fist*

Been listening to a LOT of Bush - thats a band to you young'uns. Not that anyone reads this anyways.

It was a great wedding. Saw a lot of people I haven't seen in forever. It was also great to see Tom, I haven't seen much of him since he became a priest. Thats 6 years now... my god how time moves. It's amazing what becoming a priest does to a conservative. He's become a much more loving guy. It was good to talk to him, and he proved himself to be the type of a priest that I remember in the fact that he came over to talk to me every time my body failed and left me hunkered down some place separate from everyone else.

There was a picture taken by the wedding photographer of my Uncle John - for whom I am named, and Tom, and I out on the grass talking. I'm sitting there with the pipe in my mouth, John is sitting next to me with a glass of wine in his hand, and Tom is standing above us talking. It is a picture I really want a copy of, I want to hang that one on my wall. 

I am growing tired of being bed bound again. I got some time in with the speed bag the other day which felt DAMNED GOOD. It was only about 9 minutes, I used to have far more stamina. But it still brought me back to feeling Human again. Or nearly so. 

I wondered into Gary's page today, first time in ages - just been out of it lately I guess, and saw he was talking about another blogger. I've become somewhat of a recluse again and so haven't read up on Shannon in a while. So the new one in Justin so I went to check him out - and what do you know he's in the same state? How do I find locals through guys on the other side of the world? Hahahahaha dear old Gary, thank you mate!

The Bush I am listening to is their live stuff from Woodstock 99. Machinehead at the moment, The Little Things before this, Everything Zen, Comedown, etc... I used to SO love this band. 

I prefer the non live track for better listening, but hey... there is something to be said for live music.

Here is Machinehead studio:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Er1bwzZCik0

And here is the song I want to part company with - Society - by Eddie Vedder: