Norton/Enfield

Christmas is approaching - and as it approaches my desire to see the new crank cases (again) and how they fit in the Norton Chassis (first time) with the AMC gearbox and the Norton primary covers is driving me crazy.

See I know that it all works with the oil tank removed from the cases - that's what I have for cases now. So the question is - is the oil tank too deep for the gearbox? Technically it can't be. The frame has plenty of room, but - and there is always a but - if I can't use the primary cases that I have, then I'd have to fashion new cases, deal with the Norton & Enfield difference in clutch/drive, and either the new cases have to hold oil or I have to invest in a belt drive + parts.

SO... If The Norton gearbox won't line up, then what I have to do for cost and time is get an Enfield gearbox and go at it raw - now I can get an Enfield clutch new for $90. Do I want a new 5 speed gearbox? Or find a used 4 speed? I would prefer the AMC gearbox, but we'll see what happens.

More later.

A collection of Thoughts.

I made a very general video on Youtube a few days ago. I don't expect you to watch me ramble for 10 minutes, though here it is:


What I do want to share is what I said at the end of the video, which was just as I was talking - the clearest example of my situation:
"But in any event I'm not complaining so much, as I'm tired of saying "Oh well, I'm fine" as I'm crumpling in a corner. And people look at you like you're complaining or you're trying to get attention. Because you're in pain all the time, and its not that, its just... You have to talk about it, if you're not talking about it uh it it wears you down and you get depressed. So you got to be vocal about the fact that you uh feel like you're dying all the time, even though you're not dying. And I'm twenty five, and I live in my mother's basement. And I can't move, and I can't go to school, and I'm waiting on disability - and I mean what what else can I do? What else do I have to do? I can't... I can't work with my hands much any more, I can barely read books, I can barely write and I used to write all the time, and I can't write - and I can't draw... and and like what the hell... am I supposed to do?

What am I supposed to do? So I just do this. I just exist. It's all I've got left. So umm that's it. This is almost ten minutes and I'm going to stop this, and I'll upload it later."


I have my old Russian pocket watch on my lap, a Moinja which has served me through all of Saint John's and many other adventures of life, college, cross country treks, all sorts of things, this watch has traveled as my time piece. Its ugly and its loud, and its battered, but oh what a watch it is for $50 I got an 18 jewel mechanical movement that will keep time until I am an old old man.


You may remember we are planning to move. We found a decent duplex for sale, local, god knows if it will still be for sale later on, but here's the size comparison between the two:


That's from the top (obviously) so we would be cutting down on heating a bit. Mom would have one half of the house and I would have the other. I believe there are fireplaces for both sides which is nice - I love fires. I can't wait to have an apartment again, a place all my own - even if it is not really "mine" as in earned and paid for by myself - it is still, well it is still my own.


Then there is the Norton Enfield project which I wrote about, I showed a mock up of it here:


Well it is on its way:


Those are of course the wrong cases, but what can I say about that? I have the new ones in a box thats wrapped under the Christmas tree so not until the 25th will I know just what is going on in that department. Meaning - I won't know if I can use the gearbox I want to use with the primary cases I have - or if I will have to buy a Enfield gearbox and put together a full Enfield engine in the Norton chassis. But at LEAST there is progress!!!!!


This last picture is a gift of a dear dear friend of mine who has given me his old motorcycle:


A Yamaha XS400 - which makes 45HP if running right, SOMETHING to be said about that! It needs a few things, but that's not a bad deal! I'm going to sell the GS550 as a parts bike and give my friend half of what ever I get for it.

Anyways, more later.

Today I write, or is it now. Now I write? I am in the mood to write and to think. It's more rare these days that I get to a blog - because my hands hurt all the time.

I find that I am on the verge of tears. It's not the pain so much, I can handle that - I almost never cry over the pain anymore, not even when its complete agony, which unfortunately is often. No no, the tears are for the fog that once was my mind.

I can think still, the Gabapentin - it's not like the narcotics, it leaves some of my mind alone, perhaps most of it. But I am tired, I am weary. Even when I sleep well, even then my mind is often worn out. Sometimes, sometimes I slur a bit or I mix up the words, or there is a stutter.

Last week was solid. On a Thur I went up to Keene and saw a theater production held by a good friend of mine - he and some others converted a barn into a college theater. The show was written by a student - and was absolutely excellent, it was called "Dead Flags" and about the end of the world, and a group of survivors rediscovering their humanity. The drive to Keene was hard, and the drive home was harder. But it was worth it.

Friday was a trip out to New Braintree to cut down a Christmas tree with mom. We took the Olds, it was a bit of fun mixed with some yelling - she's tired and I'm hammered. But we get along good. Been going to that same place for 10 years. I will forever go there, as long as it's open. I have so many happy memories of going with Dad, or with my brother, or by myself. Still, it was hard on the body, especially after the trip the day before.

Saturday I stretched myself even farther. I went up to UNH to meet up with my close friend Liam. I think the world of that boy, and hadn't seen him since before Summer. We met up so he could go an look at a motorcycle. A 1989 Suzuki GS500 - lovely machine, cheap, I'm happy to say that Liam is getting it. It fits him. It needs a center stand, something I will eventually provide him with. After checking out the bike we were heading back to his bicycle which was at the post office and got a call from my friend Jon who is a Nuclear Design Engineer with Westinghouse. So instead we went up to get a tour of the shops where they build power plants, and got some awesome explanations of how stuff works. My father would have been giddy as a schoolboy in that shop - bursting with questions - it humbled me, reminded me of how much I miss him.

Sunday, a day when I could barely move, Jon came down to Worcester as the new forks for the Harley had arrived. He also brought his welding rig to make new exhausts for my Suzuki GS550. It turns out they sent us the wrong forks, and it turned out that I'd need to get exhausts off of Ebay. But we did manage to get some sanding and painting done, now all the tinware for the Harley except the oil tank is a flat shit brown. Our little joke for all the weekend warriors - which Jon certainly is not one. Jon would leave tomorrow for the west coast on a '74 Sportster that will shake out your fillings - if he had time. He doesn't - he's back to Korea after Christmas to finish a plant or two. Crazyness. Brent showed up during the night and he and Jon hung me another cabinet. Good friends.

I got the Norton frame down in the basement and wrestled the Enfield engine into it along with the gearbox. It'll work.



Right now, as I type this my eyes are heavy, my brain feels all fucked up. My chest hurts, it hurts a LOT, almost keeled over earlier. My right leg is throbbing down to my foot which I can't feel, yet there are sharp pains shooting up my leg from that spot. My hands hurt, my shoulders, a digging piercing pain behind my right shoulder blade, my head is heavy. And yet my left leg - except for my big toe is Fine. Its like a giant weight of air is pressing down on me, heavy as fuck. Crushing the life out of me.


I don't enjoy this. It brings tears to my eyes. Jon is a Nuclear Design Engineer, Brent is a Helicopter Pilot, Steve is working at a high school and has plans to become a History teacher, Mike and Al are almost pharmasists. Ian's a dentist. Liam is going to have a degree that sets him up to run a camp or own a rafting company or what ever. Gary has built a theater, and is going to make it.

I could have done so much. I could have been a teacher right now. I could have been an engineer. I could have been a techie in the theater. I could have been working the last 3 years as a Chef out of one of the best Culinary Schools in the world.

What could have been is what hurts the most. I lay here and sometimes can't help but wonder how it should have worked out. Instead I lay here most of my days, in agony. Waiting for Disability to go through. Holding the debt collectors at bay. There are things people say, they say you have this great chance at SSI - and then you never hear back from them. The worst part is I don't even know how to get ahold of most of these people. I'm so scattered. I can focus sometimes for short stints of time. I'll focus when I can. I feel like I am prison. These walls the close around me and strangle me.

I'm in so much pain right now. People think you're complaining or seeking attention. I have spent Years saying "No, I'm fine" as I crumple in the corner - or keep working until I fail. They look at you like you're a failure or a freak. "Why does he still hang out around his old high school?" "Why doesn't he move on?" They see the outside - they see the shell. I hate the judgements. I hate the pain. I hate being trapped.

Friends will talk about how much they hate not being able to work, how crazy it would make them if they couldn't work on things. I can't stand this - but what choice do I have. I'm in limbo. I'm in purgetory.

I havent been able to take a bath in over a week, and I can't remember my last shower. The water from a shower beats down on you, and physical contact causes pain. Soaking in the tub helps - but getting in and out.

I'm crying now.

God I hate this. What makes me happy? Friends & motorcycles.

I have good friends. Feel like I'm going to puke. I have motorcycles. I'm getting a new one. New as in 1982. It was Liam's - it needs sprockets - which he has, a chain - which he has - and tires which he doesn't. It runs, it weighs under 400 pounds, makes 45HP. Mainly it runs and is complete - has a clear title.

The GS550 needs mufflers, the carbs need set up better, might need electrical, needs turnsignals, needs a bunch of random work.. I just don't have the money or the energy. I JUST want a bike on the road when the snow melts. So Liam is giving me the XS400 for free. Despite it being "Free" I am giving Liam half of what ever I get for the GS550. I think I can get $200 for it. For someone who has another $250 and a body that works it'd make a good bike.

Now any money I come by after the tires are had, can go into life and the Enfield/Norton.


Anyways, anyone who read this, I bow to you. I'm done for now. My left foot just woke up and hurts enough to bring tears. I have to go see Alley today - my councelor for pain management - and just SOMEONE to talk to. I also have to get to the Owl Shop and grab some more tobacco.

Anyways I'm done for now.
Again, Thank You.

And We Need Faith For the Same Reasons Its So Hard To Find

What is Faith?
a strong belief in a supernatural power or powers that control human destiny; "he lost his faith but not his morality"
And what is Morality?
concern with the distinction between good and evil or right and wrong; right or good conduct

Can they be explained away in such simple words? Really?

I'm not so sure. I flunked Social Justice and Moral Growth by the way. It was a good class - Ben Lizotte was out teacher - he really made us think about things - but I just wasn't into homework or studying at that time in my life.

I don't think I can agree with the above definition of Faith.

To me Faith is something that can be touched, can be damaged, it is not necessarily strong - sometimes it hangs on by a thread. Supernatural? Perhaps, or maybe they are natural powers. The Druids for example basically worshiped Nature.

My faith is in God, or Gods - I worshiped Poseidon for a while, and I worshiped Nature for a while. Poseidon is the God of the Sea.

I used to get a kick out of the Christians who would make fun of the Greek Gods, and then go worship a single man who walked on water and turned blood into wine.

But I've read the Bible. The core of that religion is Good - it's strong.

But why do faith and religion have to go hand in hand these days? Why do we have to say "He's a good Christian" which means that he what? Goes to church every sunday? Helps the poor? Follows this code?

My great grandmother went to church every day of the week except Sunday. Sunday is for the tourists she would say. I have her rosary beads in the drawer next to me. I have a cross that was left to her by a nun. Serious mojo.

Do I think that when my father died he simply vanished from all that was? No, I can't believe that - and it leaves too many things that happened before and after unexplained.

Do I hope the pain will someday go away? or do I have Faith.

I don't know. I hope, and I have faith.

I apologize for the jumble and one liners. It's the medications. There was a time when I could have written pages about this, in nice neat, well thought out paragraphs. Now writing is like drawing with crayons.

Thin Blue Flame - Josh Ritter

I became a thin blue flame
Polished on a mountain range
And over hills and fields I flew
Wrapped up in a royal blue
I flew over Royal City last night
A bullfighter on the horns of a new moon¹s light
Caesar¹s ghost I saw the war-time tides
The prince of Denmark¹s father still and quiet
And the whole world was looking to get drowned
Trees were a fist shaking themselves at the clouds
I looked over curtains and it was then that I knew
Only a full house gonna make it through

I became a thin blue wire
That held the world above the fire
And so it was I saw behind Heaven¹s just a thin blue line
If God¹s up there he¹s in a cold dark room
The heavenly host are just the cold dark moons
He bent down and made the world in seven days
And ever since he¹s been a¹walking away
Mixing with nitrogen in lonely holes
Where neither seraphim or raindrops go
I see an old man wandering the halls alone
Only a full house gonna make a home

I became a thin blue stream
The smoke between asleep and dreams
And in that clear blue undertow
I saw Royal City far below
Borders soft with refugees
Streets a¹swimming with amputees
It¹s a Bible or a bullet they put over your heart
It¹s getting harder and harder to tell them apart
Days are nights and the nights are long
Beating hearts blossom into walking bombs
And those still looking in the clear blue sky for a sign
Get missiles from so high they might as well be divine
Now the wolves are howling at our door
Singing bout vengeance like it¹s the joy of the Lord
Bringing justice to the enemies not the other way round
They¹re guilty when killed and they¹re killed where they¹re found
If what¹s loosed on earth will be loosed up on high
It¹s a Hell of a Heaven we must go to when we die
Where even Laurel begs Hardy for vengeance please
The fat man is crying on his hands and his knees
Back in the peacetime he caught roses on the stage
Now he twists indecision takes bourbon for rage
Lead pellets peppering aluminum
Halcyon, laudanum and Opium
Sings kiss thee hardy this poisoned cup
His winding sheet is busy winding up
In darkness he looks for the light that has died
But you need faith for the same reasons that it¹s so hard to find
And this whole thing is headed for a terrible wreck
And like good tragedy that¹s what we expect

At night I make plans for a city laid down
Like the hips of a girl on the spring covered ground
Spirals and capitals like the twist of a script
Streets named for heroes that could almost exist
The fruit trees of Eden and the gardens that seem
To float like the smoke from a lithium dream
Cedar trees growing in the cool of the squares
The young women walking in the portals of prayer
And the future glass buildings and the past an address
And the weddings in pollen and the wine bottomless
And all wrongs forgotten and all vengeance made right
The suffering verbs put to sleep in the night
The future descending like a bright chandelier
And the world just beginning and the guests in good cheer
In Royal City I fell into a trance
Oh it¹s hell to believe there ain¹t a hell of a chance

I woke beneath a clear blue sky
The sun a shout the breeze a sigh
My old hometown and the streets I knew
Were wrapped up in a royal blue
I heard my friends laughing out across the fields
The girls in the gloaming and the birds on the wheel
The raw smell of horses and the warm smell of hay
Cicadas electric in the heat of the day
A run of Three Sisters and the flush of the land
And the lake was a diamond in the valley¹s hand
The straight of the highway and the scattered out hearts
They were coming together they pulling apart
And angels everywhere were in my midst
In the ones that I loved in the ones that I kissed
I wondered what it was I¹d been looking for up above
Heaven is so big there ain¹t no need to look up
So I stopped looking for royal cities in the air
Only a full house gonna have a prayer

Humbug

I'm watching old episodes of Frasier

My personal favorite is "The Doctor is Out"

^
That episode features Patrick Stewart who was the star of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Handles gays to an extent - its comedy, but the greatest kick is watching Stewart play that role, and watching Niles - the actor who plays him actually IS gay - which is hilarious.

I have to get a haircut soon, maybe Monday. Not sure yet.

On the 10th I am going up to New Hampshire to see a theater production put on by my friend Gary - or at least he helped build the theater (its his baby) that it's being put on in. I'm sort of living vicariously through Gary as he is DOING all those things that I have dreamed of.

Anyways I'm done for nut.

Birthday, Motorcycle, and Rant about GREEN people.

So my birthday slowly approaches, I'll be 26 in January. Not a scary thought so much as wow, I'm still alive. So many years of contemplating suicide, and even attempting it a couple of times - once with a gun, and once with the pills. The gun didn't go off, which is in hindsight good. The pills Really fucked me up. It was first promising Dad I'd not kill myself when I was 19 after a LONG conversation - and then having Sam die in my arms that changed the idea of suicide from the final solution - which it IS - to.. well to something that causes SO much pain to those who love you. I am not sure what will have to happen to me now for me to kill myself.

So anyways I like most people had been contemplating what I want for my birthday. A tattoo, some random motorcycle part that I need, who knows... who knew. Then one day I was showing mom a Pipe website - which she had brought up. Mom doesn't mind that I smoke. She knows why I smoke, she agrees with why I smoke. Tobacco for those of you who *points* "Pothead!" No - not at all, don't touch the stuff.

So we're browsing the site, and I see it! I see the most beautiful and glorious pipe I have ever seen. A English Racing Green, Peterson Pipe - made in Dublin. I have NEVER seen anything like this before. It is like when I discovered vinyl records that had artwork on them. I saw it and I said "Mom, I know what I want for my Birthday" and she saw it and said "Yeah" and I told her we had to order it now - no way of knowing how many they had. We did - and turns out it was the only one they had in stock. It is possible that I will be one of maybe 20 people in the entire country who will be smoking THIS pipe.



Then on the other side of my passions... we have motorcycles. In particular my last great attempt at Dad's Norton - to which you might know I intend to install my 500cc Enfield engine, which I have been working on. I made this picture yesterday to show how it should look. Thats just a great side view shot I found of an Atlas - but that is MY engine with my primary covers from the Norton - from Dad's Norton.

Showing just how she'll sit, and just where the battery will be, and the carburetor - as well as the size, and what will vanish under the tank. No clutter, only love and attention.

I asked a favor of my friend Jon, I don't know if he'll go through with it - if not I'll ask Liam. I need a friend, a local friend with a good Ebay and Paypal account (mine are both in the tank) to make a $100 purchase for me, and I'll pay them back in cash. There is a part I need for this engine that is only available in two places - India for $70 + $25 S&H, or England for $350 + $30 S&H. It is the full distributor which is basically the Ignition for the motorcycle. With that all I'll need is a stator for the Alternator, the Boyer Power Box I already have - and then I have a fully working electrical system.

So with all of that, I need new piston rings, a few nuts and bolts, I have a wire harness and exhaust for it. I'll need to make engine plates. I'll need to get a primary drive and a clutch. Then I have a fully running engine - I have a carburetor for it.

Once I have a fully running engine, I put it into the Norton chassis, add fork oil, link up the rear wheel, and well... I have a motorcycle. I have a Poor man's Norton ES2 - which was Norton's 500cc single.

The bike is not GREEN in the sense of pollution though it pumps out FAR less than most cars from mid 90s back, but it IS fuel efficiant, I will get 70+ Miles per Gallon on regular fuel.

Thats with an engine of 1955 design, and a chassis built in 1967.

Now you tell me something. You tell me what we should be doing about Global Warming? What should we be doing?

I think all of this buying new GREEN products is Bullshit. We have Enough vehicles and motorcycles from back in the day that can be adapted using parts we already have to run better. The world and Society is fucking all of this up by thinking backwards.

We build and we build and we build, and we buy and we buy and we buy. Every new product that rolls off the line is making a footprint. Leaving its mark. If you want to be GREEN you should be doing with what we already have.

Buy old cars, buy old houses, ride old motorcycles, buy old books or read new books online. Older stereo equipment that is already here that sounds just as good as much of the new shit. Wear old clothes that are already here. Old furniture. Old blankets.

Do what ever you can to keep your footprint on this planet as small as fucking possible. Thats what I'm doing. And once my body is strong enough I will ride my 1967 Norfield and my 1982 Suzuki made out of 2 one I got for free from a kid and the other half found behind a dumpster. I will drive my 1986 Oldsmobile until it won't drive anymore and then I will get another.

These people who talk about Living GREEN who buy these new hybrids where the factories pump SO much shit into the air. They drink their GREEN water out of their GREEN plastic bottles. It's all bullshit.

Am I GREEN? No. But I do stay warm primarly with old army blankets, the laptop sits on a cut up Pepsi box, my vehicles already existed 2 before I was born, I draw on old printer paper, etc. I have been wearing the same pair of glasses for 8 years. When the rubber came off the ear pieces did I replace them? No - I used the insulation from 18 gauge wire. I have worn the same wool jacket for 6 years, and the same leather boots for 10.

We all do our own bit, but when the ice caps melt and my house becomes beach front property dont come crying to me because your 2018 Ford Explorer sank along with your new GREEN home full of your GREEN plastic bottles, and your recycled clothing.