My mother had a bit of a breakdown last night. I haven't seen or experienced anything so utterly shattering since my father died. She was smart though, she wanted to go to the hospital. So I got ready to take her and then Al showed up and at first he tried to stop it - didn't realize how serious things were, but then he did a turn around and off we went. For a little while we didn't think she would be admitted, and then things turned out and we met with a social worker and she suggested mom go in for 3 days. She's in a hospital in one of the surrounding towns.
I'm so used to feeling suicidal. I'm so used to feeling like the world is crashing down on top of me. I'm not used to watching mom come unglued, I've never actually seen it happen. Her boss holds a lot of responsibility for this and I want to hit him REALLY hard with a baseball bat.
So here I am, here I am sitting here in my bed in mom's house and my body feels like total shit, broken down, and where is mom? She's in the hospital. That leaves me taking care of the dog and the cat for a few days, doing up the dishes when I can, some laundry. Holy shit. Just... holy shit.
I have the car on the road at last, so that is very good. That is very very good. I'd be right fucked if I didn't. I'd be full on out of my fucking head. I'm getting there anyways. I'm getting there. How much? How can this be?
Don't let it bring you down... it's only castles burning.
