This is a video I made early this morning about my thoughts about my sexuality, my thoughts on Society, religion, race, and of course a slight ramble about tattoos. But.. the ramble about tattoos is a little over a minute, I NEVER do stuff like this, but I was in the mood to explain my thoughts in a clearer way than txt can ever allow - with txt it is so hard to pass exactly what emotions you are feeling when you write it. Unless you play 3rd person - Jack was giggling, Jack was frustrated with people... you could see the exhaustion as it wore down his face pulling at his eyes leaving creases and shadows... which is not how I write in blogs.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Society
Oh it's a mystery to me.
We have a greed, with which we have agreed...
and you think you have to want more than you need...
until you have it all, you won't be free.
Society, you're a crazy breed.
I hope you're not lonely, without me.
When you want more than you have, you think you need...
and when you think more then you want, your thoughts begin to bleed.
I think I need to find a bigger place...
cause when you have more than you think, you need more space.
Society, you're a crazy breed.
I hope you're not lonely, without me.
Society, crazy indeed...
I hope you're not lonely, without me.
There's those thinkin' more or less, less is more,
but if less is more, how you keepin' score?
It means for every point you make, your level drops.
Kinda like you're startin' from the top...
and you can't do that.
Society, you're a crazy breed.
I hope you're not lonely, without me.
Society, crazy indeed...
I hope you're not lonely, without me
Society, have mercy on me.
I hope you're not angry, if I disagree.
Society, crazy indeed.
I hope you're not lonely...
without me.
This is a song that means so very much to me. The first time I heard it was after pop died. I actually saw the movie Into The Wild with one of my best friend's and his father. I walked into it cold - not knowing what I was about to watch. It moved me to tears, I'm sure thats not rare with that film, but my god.
The song suits me. When I was 7 I wanted to grow up to be a hermit. When I was 13 I wanted to go live in a light house and be a light keeper. When I was 17 I wanted to buy an old Caboose and go live off in the woods by myself - a dream I still sometimes hold.
Now the plan is to live in an apartment I should be getting in the next year and just fill it with books and pictures. To write and try to expand myself as best as I can.
I listened to this song on my ipod in one ear as I tore across the country by myself on my old KZ1000 with all my stuff strapped to the back. It was a month long journey and I spent a lot of time alone. I am good at it.
Society confuses and bewilders me. All the HATE, it just blows your mind. How can anyone really hate another person based on the color of their skin? I mean really? And HOW can you dislike a man or woman because of their sexuality? You get the people raging on about Queers. Well I'm Bi, mostly interested in guys, with a physical attraction to girls (no emotional attachment) but I work on bikes, cars, houses - I'm a regular guy. But someone can hate me because I like guys? There is NO logic to the hate. They hide behind religion. Well I believe in God, I believe in all sorts of things. I've read the bible. There is nothing to support such hate. But Society bands together. Yet they shut their eyes. Blind justice? Really?
Everyone thinks we are so evolved. We still have child pornography. Why? Society... Evolution. Its crazy. We are a stitch in time away from the Romans. We just have computers and cars. The hate hasn't changed. Society is the Mob. Not gangsters, but a Mob of people. I don't fit into this crazyness. I have never felt I belonged a part of it.
I love individuals. My friends. Also people from here, Justin, Gary, others. But Society as a whole? I want nothing to do with it.
Anyways I am going.
*bows*
*exits to stage left*
Saturday, January 30, 2010
my room
Let me try to describe the place where I seem to spend all of my time. That would be my bedroom, my one room, it's big, its cozy, and sometimes it feels like a prison.
Ok so I spend my time on my bed. It is a Queen Size futon that is backed up against a wall, the wall to the room where the boiler is. I have nice sheets, and I sleep on the right hand side if you're sitting up against the back board. I use 2 pillows and one of those pillows with arms and a back when I sit up, but I only sleep with one pillow. My current blankets consist of a sheet, a heat blanket which is almost always on (helps with the pain) and a wool blanket on top. All of this is on my side. On the other side you have a pile of clothes at the base of the bed on the left. I wear these in cycles. I'm a scrub. Right now you have pajamas at the bottom, then a pair of jeans, my Filson wool jacket, a Barbor jacket liner, a couple LL Bean flannel lined canvas shirts, a Filson Wool best, and a pair of OLD LL Bean Wool pants that my father had - it beats long underwear.
As you move closer to me on the bed you get a collapsed pepsi box that I use to insallate the laptop from the blanket. A container that has the remains of dinner, some OLD Sony headphones that my father bought for me when I was 12 (thats 14 years I have been using the same headphones), a couple books, pipe cleaners - then as you come up to arms reach to my left is an ashtray with pipe holders that a friend gave me, its yellow and black shaped like a flat square with a sketch of old sailing ships in the bowl of the tray. There is currently an Owl Shop pipe and a Peterson (made in Dublin) pipe. Then a Hohner Harmonica, some matches, tobacco, medications, and a book.
Off the side of the bed in the actual room now - this is off to my left (we are working off what I can see, back up against the wall) are two doors, regular rectangular doors, one is in the wall I lean on which leads into a larger room with the boiler and a lot of motorcycle parts - it used to contain dad's full metal shop.
The other door which is on the wall parallel to me on the left side leads into the TV room. There is a hamper next to that door (to its right we are going) then a large wooden wardrobe which is where I keep my clothes since there is no closet. To the right of that is a speaker with old projectors on it and a tower speaker comes next, then an old cheap bookcase which has a ton of books, stage crew awards, pictures, keys, hats, and random bits - a piece of the Apollo launch pad given to me by a friend who worked for NASA.
Turn the corner and hanging from the wall up high over the bookcase almost is a punching bag - a speed or rytham bag as you'd call it. This is on the wall opposite me. About a foot and a half to its right is the door that leads to the bathroom and back stairs leading up and out. To the right of the door is a small cabinet that I made into a table that holds about 50 motorcycle magazines from England, and a picture of my father's family. There is a stool with a back in front of it that has books and an ashtray (my grandfather's made for him by a student, it is green and has his initials in it) next to that is an old green chair from a friend's living room with a small cheap leather footrest that currently has a pillow and a 5 disc CD changer on it. To the right of the chair is a trunk full of junk, a white table, and a matching chair.
Turn the corner and you have a large desk like table that isnt that large. It covered in books, there are milk crates on the ground full of notebooks - journals I have kept through the years dating back to when I was 19 (I burned all the journals before that in a failed attempt to escape my past), next to that is an overly built work bench that dad made (or got free with a Shaper) that used a solid core door as the top and deck posts as legs. It has stereo equipment on it, a Crown Amp, an Advent Tuner, a McIntosh Pre-Amp, a Sony Record player, and a tower speaker.
Turn the corner and you are at the wall I am leaning against. There is another box speaker (matching the one next to the wardrobe) with a record box on top - like a book case built for records, it's white and contains maybe 60 records, all which I love. To the right of that and the immidiate right of me is a small side table with a drawer. It has a lamp and a rotary telephone on it. Has my testosterone gel in the drawer and about 100 empty pepsi cans scattered around it.
The joy of the idea of an apartment again is that I can spread out. I'll have laundry machines and a sink to wash the cans. A place to cook food and bake my dad's bread. A place to sleep that is separate from where I drink my soda and listen to my music. The green chairs can go into the living room and I can have a small table in the dining room where I can eat and read.
What I haven't described to you is the pictures. I have several hundred pictures on my walls.
That's one of my best friends. But you can see the pictures behind him. They rise up all the way to the ceiling and cover pretty much every available inch of the walls. They rap around to the wall with the stereo, they surround the wardrobe and bookcase, and the wall immidiately behind me shows no plaster. They even decorate the doors.
There are pictures of my heroes, my father (my hero), friends, motorcycles, comics, actors, Ted Kennedy, me, bands, family, song lyrics, signs, magazine articles. Anything that has peaked my interest in the last few years is on these walls. I do it where ever I move. In Ohio, in Vermont, Phoenix was a masterpiece, my bedroom on Morningside Road - they all have had this.
I am not sure where in my apartment. It will probably start in my bedroom. I may contain it to my bedroom and workout/office/library (if we get a 2 bedroom place). What does not excite me about moving is that when I put up pictures I always put them up as if we are never leaving. As if I am never leaving. So taking them down will sacrifice a few. Thats hard to swallow, and with the pain in my hands it might take a week to get these all down..
But ya, that's my room, this is where I type, read, surf the web, sleep, smoke, and just flat out exist. I promise that where ever you are right now, there is a very solid chance that I am here. I'm not complaining, I'm not bitter, but that is just how it is.
Ok so I spend my time on my bed. It is a Queen Size futon that is backed up against a wall, the wall to the room where the boiler is. I have nice sheets, and I sleep on the right hand side if you're sitting up against the back board. I use 2 pillows and one of those pillows with arms and a back when I sit up, but I only sleep with one pillow. My current blankets consist of a sheet, a heat blanket which is almost always on (helps with the pain) and a wool blanket on top. All of this is on my side. On the other side you have a pile of clothes at the base of the bed on the left. I wear these in cycles. I'm a scrub. Right now you have pajamas at the bottom, then a pair of jeans, my Filson wool jacket, a Barbor jacket liner, a couple LL Bean flannel lined canvas shirts, a Filson Wool best, and a pair of OLD LL Bean Wool pants that my father had - it beats long underwear.
As you move closer to me on the bed you get a collapsed pepsi box that I use to insallate the laptop from the blanket. A container that has the remains of dinner, some OLD Sony headphones that my father bought for me when I was 12 (thats 14 years I have been using the same headphones), a couple books, pipe cleaners - then as you come up to arms reach to my left is an ashtray with pipe holders that a friend gave me, its yellow and black shaped like a flat square with a sketch of old sailing ships in the bowl of the tray. There is currently an Owl Shop pipe and a Peterson (made in Dublin) pipe. Then a Hohner Harmonica, some matches, tobacco, medications, and a book.
Off the side of the bed in the actual room now - this is off to my left (we are working off what I can see, back up against the wall) are two doors, regular rectangular doors, one is in the wall I lean on which leads into a larger room with the boiler and a lot of motorcycle parts - it used to contain dad's full metal shop.
The other door which is on the wall parallel to me on the left side leads into the TV room. There is a hamper next to that door (to its right we are going) then a large wooden wardrobe which is where I keep my clothes since there is no closet. To the right of that is a speaker with old projectors on it and a tower speaker comes next, then an old cheap bookcase which has a ton of books, stage crew awards, pictures, keys, hats, and random bits - a piece of the Apollo launch pad given to me by a friend who worked for NASA.
Turn the corner and hanging from the wall up high over the bookcase almost is a punching bag - a speed or rytham bag as you'd call it. This is on the wall opposite me. About a foot and a half to its right is the door that leads to the bathroom and back stairs leading up and out. To the right of the door is a small cabinet that I made into a table that holds about 50 motorcycle magazines from England, and a picture of my father's family. There is a stool with a back in front of it that has books and an ashtray (my grandfather's made for him by a student, it is green and has his initials in it) next to that is an old green chair from a friend's living room with a small cheap leather footrest that currently has a pillow and a 5 disc CD changer on it. To the right of the chair is a trunk full of junk, a white table, and a matching chair.
Turn the corner and you have a large desk like table that isnt that large. It covered in books, there are milk crates on the ground full of notebooks - journals I have kept through the years dating back to when I was 19 (I burned all the journals before that in a failed attempt to escape my past), next to that is an overly built work bench that dad made (or got free with a Shaper) that used a solid core door as the top and deck posts as legs. It has stereo equipment on it, a Crown Amp, an Advent Tuner, a McIntosh Pre-Amp, a Sony Record player, and a tower speaker.
Turn the corner and you are at the wall I am leaning against. There is another box speaker (matching the one next to the wardrobe) with a record box on top - like a book case built for records, it's white and contains maybe 60 records, all which I love. To the right of that and the immidiate right of me is a small side table with a drawer. It has a lamp and a rotary telephone on it. Has my testosterone gel in the drawer and about 100 empty pepsi cans scattered around it.
The joy of the idea of an apartment again is that I can spread out. I'll have laundry machines and a sink to wash the cans. A place to cook food and bake my dad's bread. A place to sleep that is separate from where I drink my soda and listen to my music. The green chairs can go into the living room and I can have a small table in the dining room where I can eat and read.
What I haven't described to you is the pictures. I have several hundred pictures on my walls.
That's one of my best friends. But you can see the pictures behind him. They rise up all the way to the ceiling and cover pretty much every available inch of the walls. They rap around to the wall with the stereo, they surround the wardrobe and bookcase, and the wall immidiately behind me shows no plaster. They even decorate the doors.
There are pictures of my heroes, my father (my hero), friends, motorcycles, comics, actors, Ted Kennedy, me, bands, family, song lyrics, signs, magazine articles. Anything that has peaked my interest in the last few years is on these walls. I do it where ever I move. In Ohio, in Vermont, Phoenix was a masterpiece, my bedroom on Morningside Road - they all have had this.
I am not sure where in my apartment. It will probably start in my bedroom. I may contain it to my bedroom and workout/office/library (if we get a 2 bedroom place). What does not excite me about moving is that when I put up pictures I always put them up as if we are never leaving. As if I am never leaving. So taking them down will sacrifice a few. Thats hard to swallow, and with the pain in my hands it might take a week to get these all down..
But ya, that's my room, this is where I type, read, surf the web, sleep, smoke, and just flat out exist. I promise that where ever you are right now, there is a very solid chance that I am here. I'm not complaining, I'm not bitter, but that is just how it is.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Ho Hum
Well I'm writing again. And for the first time in a while reading a book I've never read before. The book is "In the Heart of the Sea" by Nathaniel Philbrick which a friend loaned me. The writing, well, we'll see how that goes before I ever think to post any of it. That is how it goes with me.
A friend, Paul W left a Birthday present for me at my friend John's house. A pipe Holder/Tobacco Container. I had one in Phoenix that I paid $10 for new. This one is probably 50 years old at least, one solid clay piece, has a painting of a Civil War battle round the pot which sits inside (its a cylinder with pipe racks round the outer edge) and then the pot is actually rubber sealed. Now the one in Phoenix had a cork lining and cork on the cover - so the tobacco would be dry and brittle in 3 days time. This one will actually keep it the way you put it in.
I think that molar that cracked in half in Phoenix - the one were I pulled out the broken half with pliers (who says I don't have a high pain tolerance?) is finally going to need some work. I am not looking forward to seeing a dentist again, its been a couple years. Now I can see you all shuddering, but listen, my last scheduled appointment was just after dad died, and then when I got to Phoenix and planned to get a dentist I lost my health care. SO I kind of let it slide. Well now I'm starting to get a dull ache, soooo I will make an appointment at some point when the dull ache gets a little less dull, and go from there. I have a feeling that it's going to be a blood bath, so I'm not overly looking forward to it. At this point it's going to hurt like hell no matter when I do it, so I might as well wait a bit longer. I say this because there is not enough of a tooth to grab ahold of to pull out. So I can only imagine how they would go about extracting it *shudders*
Had a bit of a scare today. I came home to an email from a friend saying "______'s Dad died" and went into scramble mode, as you have to be a solid friend when that happens, and the one son is my age, and the other son is a couple years younger than me - so it was like "OH SHIT!" I got a bit confused when his best friend didn't know what I was talking about, and then later discovered through a the father's FB page that he was in fact NOT dead, that the grand father was dead. I was quite relieved, and saddened that a grand father had passed away, but mostly relieved. Its one thing to loose your grandfather, and another to loose your father. I can say that with a clear conscience because I have lost both.
This:
Is one of the instant parts for the XS400. The first string of parts will include the above, as well as an oil filter bolt, oil filter, battery, oil, some gaskets, a chain, and a turn signal.
The idea behind the new exhaust system is the sheer fact that the current one is worn out. The union pipe that runs under the bike has holes, the lower head pipes have holes, the mufflers have holes and dents, and are bent where you mount them which adds extra fun to the equation.
So that's always good. With those parts the bike should go together easy enough, should pass inspection, and should be safe and reliable.
There is also a plan in progress to go down to Atlanta around April to visit my buddy Cam when he gets out of prison. Zach - another friend of mine who lives in or near Dallas will meet me there. The three of us were really quite close friends in Phoenix, and they are both guys I hope to be friends with for the rest of my life.
Anyways thats it for me today. I'm going to read a bit, take a bath, and just enjoy my night.
OH! Disability finally went through!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First check in 10 days. Thank God.
A friend, Paul W left a Birthday present for me at my friend John's house. A pipe Holder/Tobacco Container. I had one in Phoenix that I paid $10 for new. This one is probably 50 years old at least, one solid clay piece, has a painting of a Civil War battle round the pot which sits inside (its a cylinder with pipe racks round the outer edge) and then the pot is actually rubber sealed. Now the one in Phoenix had a cork lining and cork on the cover - so the tobacco would be dry and brittle in 3 days time. This one will actually keep it the way you put it in.
I think that molar that cracked in half in Phoenix - the one were I pulled out the broken half with pliers (who says I don't have a high pain tolerance?) is finally going to need some work. I am not looking forward to seeing a dentist again, its been a couple years. Now I can see you all shuddering, but listen, my last scheduled appointment was just after dad died, and then when I got to Phoenix and planned to get a dentist I lost my health care. SO I kind of let it slide. Well now I'm starting to get a dull ache, soooo I will make an appointment at some point when the dull ache gets a little less dull, and go from there. I have a feeling that it's going to be a blood bath, so I'm not overly looking forward to it. At this point it's going to hurt like hell no matter when I do it, so I might as well wait a bit longer. I say this because there is not enough of a tooth to grab ahold of to pull out. So I can only imagine how they would go about extracting it *shudders*
Had a bit of a scare today. I came home to an email from a friend saying "______'s Dad died" and went into scramble mode, as you have to be a solid friend when that happens, and the one son is my age, and the other son is a couple years younger than me - so it was like "OH SHIT!" I got a bit confused when his best friend didn't know what I was talking about, and then later discovered through a the father's FB page that he was in fact NOT dead, that the grand father was dead. I was quite relieved, and saddened that a grand father had passed away, but mostly relieved. Its one thing to loose your grandfather, and another to loose your father. I can say that with a clear conscience because I have lost both.
This:
Is one of the instant parts for the XS400. The first string of parts will include the above, as well as an oil filter bolt, oil filter, battery, oil, some gaskets, a chain, and a turn signal.
The idea behind the new exhaust system is the sheer fact that the current one is worn out. The union pipe that runs under the bike has holes, the lower head pipes have holes, the mufflers have holes and dents, and are bent where you mount them which adds extra fun to the equation.
So that's always good. With those parts the bike should go together easy enough, should pass inspection, and should be safe and reliable.
There is also a plan in progress to go down to Atlanta around April to visit my buddy Cam when he gets out of prison. Zach - another friend of mine who lives in or near Dallas will meet me there. The three of us were really quite close friends in Phoenix, and they are both guys I hope to be friends with for the rest of my life.
Anyways thats it for me today. I'm going to read a bit, take a bath, and just enjoy my night.
OH! Disability finally went through!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First check in 10 days. Thank God.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Short & Sweet
Well its 2:25PM, and I really should be getting dressed. I'm out of tobacco so a run to the Owl Shop is in order. Then after that a run to the Doctor's office, and after that, well, I have to go to Saint John's to join my friend John and hang out for the rehersals to his newest show - which is really coming together.
I donno I gotta get cleaned up. Back later.
I donno I gotta get cleaned up. Back later.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
House & Heavy Thinking
This is why I love the show House. Right here. This picture sums up most of it. The picture is a screenshot after House learns he has pretty much destroyed some guy's life. Now, you look at Hugh Laurie and you see his eyes. There are a lot of actors who can look pained, but their eyes don't sell it. This is where it's different. The look in his eyes is absolutely pure pain and stunned realization of what's been done. That is talent you normally see on the Silver Screen, not the Boob Tube.
Now that's not the only reason. I feel I share a lot of things with the character. The physical pain. Having been abused. Being bitter. Trying to get past things. Now I'm not a brilliant doctor. I never had a long term drug problem.
I have been through a lot in my life. Un-imagineable things. I was abused, I was raped, I did hard core drugs (needles) when I was 15. I through some stroke of luck didn't have any issues with the fact that I like guys more than girls. I pretty much have always accepted that - maybe a credit to the house I grew up in, knowing I had two gay aunts from a young age, and that my god father is gay. *laughs* My father's first wife (marriage only lasted a year) was a bisexual stripper. But... I have seen and experienced things that to this day send chills down my spine and wake me from sleep in a cold sweat. To this day I have extreme difficulties hugging guys or girls who are not blood relatives, and it took my father's death to be able to hug my family.
This isn't self pity. It's just I am sitting here alone in the basement, awake, after another nightmare at four o'clock in the morning. There is a very real possibility that I will never be able to have a relationship with a guy again, and it's been 10 years, we are rolling heavily towards 11 years since I have had any sort of intimacy with another guy. Now I hear guys who are 18 who say "well I got you beat, I've never been with a guy" but I know that they will, and I also know that they don't know exactly what they are missing. I'm not jealous of people who can experience what I can't right now. But sometimes I get a little bitter. It's not my nature to be bitter, I am almost always smiling, I can't stay mad at people for more than a few minutes - unless they have Really fucked with me.
We are coming up on two dates that really mean a lot to me - and for very different reasons. On Feb 4 is my best friend's birthday. On Feb 3 is the anniversary of Sam's death. Technically they could both be Feb 4 -- but I choose Not to see it that way.
Sam was the fountain of hope for all of us, those of us who were involved in what we were. Adam died first, but none of us mourned his passing. In a way he was dead to me long before then. He was my first and only boyfriend, we dated for over a year, and I loved him very very much. He is also a very strong reason why my life is so fucked up, and at the time of his death he was trying to blackmail me.
But Sam - Oh Sam. Sam was different. He was very young when I first met him. I was 14 and he was 9 - and he was already involved. I am still unclear as to how he managed to get away from it, his father was pretty powerful - but a drunk. It doesn't matter.
Sam got out and got clean when he was 15. He had seen so much more than I had. Father Bruce (never met him) said that what we experienced, he described kids who went through it, the phrase was "Seeing the Elephant" and man Sam saw the Elephant.
And yet he got away. He started working hard in school. He put on muscle, he started playing lacrosse. Ie was kicked out of his house at 16, but he didn't stop school - he had dreams and ambitions, he was going to become a shrink and help kids who had been abused. He worked hard as hell. He sold drugs to pay for the apartment which he shared with another guy, whom he loved, but frankly was a degenerate fuck up 19 year old.
Sam was like the guiding light. He and my friend Sean kept tabs on all of us. He was someone I'd hoped to someday introduce to my new friends (who are now all old reliable friends).
I won't go into it, not tonight, not in depth, but on Feb 3 really late at night in 2006 Sam overdosed on painkillers and died in my arms. I will never shake that night out of my head.
After Sam died, the group began to drop like flies. Nick was next, then Kevin, Tim, Frank, Mark, Tom...
This is an old list I wrote up, its not up to date because its an old picture, but the wreckage, the result of what we went through is very apparent
I'm indifferent tonight. I'm not sad. I'm not angry. This is just the stuff rattling in my head as I watch "House" and try to forget the dream I had, a dream that has haunted me for over 14 years.
I can remember Kyle trying to comfort me when I accidentally mixed some meds one year and had a waking dream (I was hallucinating) at a party, he and who ever else was there saw my deepest fears that night, and he worked hard to protect me from the ghosts of my past. I will never forget that.
Ok. I'm starting to tear up, so I'm done.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Motorcycle Talk
I have one of these, it is a 1982 Yamaha XJ400.
It is all in all a fairly ugly machine, though very functional. It has a mono shock in the rear and tall front forks. A solid 6" drum brake in the back, and a pathetic single piston disc brake in the front. The styling was an attempt at the American market. The engine is a 400cc that outputs about 45HP. She apparently handles very well, and gets good gas millage.
Mine is a bit worse for wear. It needs oil, a new oil bolt, the mufflers are pretty beat up and rotting through at the balance pipe, the carbs may need a bit of work. Needs new tires, and the drive chain needs replaced.
Might need a new battery.
So here's the lists.
New Battery $45
New Blinker $10
2 Mirrors $24
Rear Brake Shoes $20
Front Brake Pads $16
Chain $95
Front Sprocket (with Bolts) 21
Oil Bolt $9
Oil Filter $7
European Handlebars $15 (why not while I'm fixing the regular stuff)
Total: $250ish
Then if we want to dream a bit later on (prices are estimates that are all over)
Exhaust $250
Gas Tank $350
Seat $150
Rear Sets $100
Clip Ons $60
Headlight Ears $40
Total $950
So for about $300 I can have it back to fully happy working order, and for an extra $1000 I can have it look something like this:
The overall Idea is to eventually have a true Cafe Racer. Not like the one's my father's generation (now) throws $10,000 into a restored 60's Norton - getting the bike they dreamed of when they were my age. But instead to end up with the bike they'd have built using what they had when they were my age.
The end result is something I can be proud of and "ride the piss out of" to use a Dad expression. And to further it a cycle, the tank and seat would be re-usable on the Norton chassis I have (or many Jap frames), so their higher cost evens out if/when the XS400 engine bites the dust.
MOST likely I'll put $300 into the bike to make it roadworthy and stop.
Oh one other plan is to swop the front forks on the XJ and the GS which will lower the XJ front end about 1" and give me a better disc brake. Then to use one of my Hagon or Shrouded shocks to replace the monoshock (which will lower the rear about 1" and replace the worn out rear suspension.
It is all in all a fairly ugly machine, though very functional. It has a mono shock in the rear and tall front forks. A solid 6" drum brake in the back, and a pathetic single piston disc brake in the front. The styling was an attempt at the American market. The engine is a 400cc that outputs about 45HP. She apparently handles very well, and gets good gas millage.
Mine is a bit worse for wear. It needs oil, a new oil bolt, the mufflers are pretty beat up and rotting through at the balance pipe, the carbs may need a bit of work. Needs new tires, and the drive chain needs replaced.
Might need a new battery.
So here's the lists.
New Battery $45
New Blinker $10
2 Mirrors $24
Rear Brake Shoes $20
Front Brake Pads $16
Chain $95
Front Sprocket (with Bolts) 21
Oil Bolt $9
Oil Filter $7
European Handlebars $15 (why not while I'm fixing the regular stuff)
Total: $250ish
Then if we want to dream a bit later on (prices are estimates that are all over)
Exhaust $250
Gas Tank $350
Seat $150
Rear Sets $100
Clip Ons $60
Headlight Ears $40
Total $950
So for about $300 I can have it back to fully happy working order, and for an extra $1000 I can have it look something like this:
The overall Idea is to eventually have a true Cafe Racer. Not like the one's my father's generation (now) throws $10,000 into a restored 60's Norton - getting the bike they dreamed of when they were my age. But instead to end up with the bike they'd have built using what they had when they were my age.
The end result is something I can be proud of and "ride the piss out of" to use a Dad expression. And to further it a cycle, the tank and seat would be re-usable on the Norton chassis I have (or many Jap frames), so their higher cost evens out if/when the XS400 engine bites the dust.
MOST likely I'll put $300 into the bike to make it roadworthy and stop.
Oh one other plan is to swop the front forks on the XJ and the GS which will lower the XJ front end about 1" and give me a better disc brake. Then to use one of my Hagon or Shrouded shocks to replace the monoshock (which will lower the rear about 1" and replace the worn out rear suspension.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Brent, I know you'll dig this,
Well I'm 26, who'd have thunk it? My friend Stevie pointed out that John Belushi was born today as well, which is wicked, but more importantly so was my uncle George. When I was in Youngstown last year for a week (on my trip cross country) friends of George thought I was his son, which apparently made him quite happy - and you know, if I had to choose a family member who I'd have to choose as a Dad - instead of my dad - then it'd be George. We spent ages when I was a little kid, 7 years old, on opposite sides of a chess board. I have so many happy memories with George. I told him that on the phone last weekend when we thought I had a blood clot, and we both choked up a little bit.
I've been talking to Liam a bit today, its great having him back in town. We talked bikes a bit, the XS, his GS, discussed building Cafe Racers and all that. In a lot of ways he's as crazy as I am - when it comes to motorcycles. We both want to build a classic road racer some day, and we also want to build an Ice Speedway bike. Hahahaha he's an excellent friend to have, because of what we can talk about.
I also got birthday wishes from Ian, Dave, and a dozen other people. Its been a good day, even if its just been one spent in bed.
I'm on a great music binge today. This one is one of my all time favorite songs, Dylan just does that to me.
I think the next up will be some Josh Ritter.
The River, a Springsteen cover,
Josh Ritter has managed to fill a place in todays music scene that Dylan left open, I never thought that there would be a singer/songwriter of our generation who I would love and respect like I do Ritter. Seeing him live with my brother in Boston remains a highlight of my life. He can pass so much emotion into what he's playing. This song is Springsteen's and yet he makes it his own.
But Rumors, just watch the energy in which he plays! And the words, follow the words, the imagery is incredible, simply mindblowing.
My god.
And this song, Thin Blue Flame,
It is in my eyes the best political song since Desolation Row.
I got a lovely email from Justin which I still have to reply to. I don't think my email has seen such use since, well ever.
I also had my friend Joey perma-ban me from the GTF.N today. That was a sad day, I have been a member and a solid member of the community there for 5 years. But this little bastard from Scotland attacked me because I am 26, and went on and on about it and just really went after me. He claimed it was only the one thread, but he also went after me in other threads. I don't need to be defending myself against stupidity for the next few weeks, and well 26 is old for that forum, things have changed since I joined in '05. Back in '05 it was still the Gay Teen Forum, but you had Cali who was 29? and Frosty was 28, there were other guys in their mid 20s, I was actually the youngest of the non-teens. I talked to CM a lot who started the forum and later killed himself. It was a good community, and quite frankly if my health wasn't shit I'd have a life outside of this room and not be on many forums - but that was the one forum. So that put a damper on my birthday. But it was time, and I'll survive.
There is GTF.O which is actually occupied by many of the guys who were at .N when I started there, most are my age or older. But it's a much creepier forum. On .N I just existed, offered advice, I think in the last 5 years I have talked about 30 kids out of Suicide - which I feel good about. I have talked guys out of doing porn - which I feel good about. I have been there for confused kids who feel the pressures of their parents wanting them to get straight A's - I LISTEN. I offer advice, and so on. Also car advice, motorcycle advice, the regular stuff. I've not asked for nudes, I was never "on the radar" with the mods or the Admin - most of whom I was friends with. Joey - the mod who banned me didn't want to, and was rather pissed at the people who were going after me. But I'd planned to leave before I was 28, now I guess is as good a time as any.
I am sitting here, I have a lot of cleaning to do down here. 4 empty Pepsi boxes, lots of cans. Milk crates and boxes full of books. It is what it is. Its pretty clean for someone who's not out of bed much.
I have so much left in life to do. Ride cross country to the pacific - probably on the Yamaha XS400 (THAT'LL be an adventure hahahaha), learn to play the violin, write my book, become a teacher, get my health, clean myself back up again. You know - the usual.
My uncle Marty got me a birthday present. I should call him. Do that now.
Well I'm 26, who'd have thunk it? My friend Stevie pointed out that John Belushi was born today as well, which is wicked, but more importantly so was my uncle George. When I was in Youngstown last year for a week (on my trip cross country) friends of George thought I was his son, which apparently made him quite happy - and you know, if I had to choose a family member who I'd have to choose as a Dad - instead of my dad - then it'd be George. We spent ages when I was a little kid, 7 years old, on opposite sides of a chess board. I have so many happy memories with George. I told him that on the phone last weekend when we thought I had a blood clot, and we both choked up a little bit.
I've been talking to Liam a bit today, its great having him back in town. We talked bikes a bit, the XS, his GS, discussed building Cafe Racers and all that. In a lot of ways he's as crazy as I am - when it comes to motorcycles. We both want to build a classic road racer some day, and we also want to build an Ice Speedway bike. Hahahaha he's an excellent friend to have, because of what we can talk about.
I also got birthday wishes from Ian, Dave, and a dozen other people. Its been a good day, even if its just been one spent in bed.
I'm on a great music binge today. This one is one of my all time favorite songs, Dylan just does that to me.
I think the next up will be some Josh Ritter.
The River, a Springsteen cover,
Josh Ritter has managed to fill a place in todays music scene that Dylan left open, I never thought that there would be a singer/songwriter of our generation who I would love and respect like I do Ritter. Seeing him live with my brother in Boston remains a highlight of my life. He can pass so much emotion into what he's playing. This song is Springsteen's and yet he makes it his own.
But Rumors, just watch the energy in which he plays! And the words, follow the words, the imagery is incredible, simply mindblowing.
My god.
And this song, Thin Blue Flame,
It is in my eyes the best political song since Desolation Row.
I got a lovely email from Justin which I still have to reply to. I don't think my email has seen such use since, well ever.
I also had my friend Joey perma-ban me from the GTF.N today. That was a sad day, I have been a member and a solid member of the community there for 5 years. But this little bastard from Scotland attacked me because I am 26, and went on and on about it and just really went after me. He claimed it was only the one thread, but he also went after me in other threads. I don't need to be defending myself against stupidity for the next few weeks, and well 26 is old for that forum, things have changed since I joined in '05. Back in '05 it was still the Gay Teen Forum, but you had Cali who was 29? and Frosty was 28, there were other guys in their mid 20s, I was actually the youngest of the non-teens. I talked to CM a lot who started the forum and later killed himself. It was a good community, and quite frankly if my health wasn't shit I'd have a life outside of this room and not be on many forums - but that was the one forum. So that put a damper on my birthday. But it was time, and I'll survive.
There is GTF.O which is actually occupied by many of the guys who were at .N when I started there, most are my age or older. But it's a much creepier forum. On .N I just existed, offered advice, I think in the last 5 years I have talked about 30 kids out of Suicide - which I feel good about. I have talked guys out of doing porn - which I feel good about. I have been there for confused kids who feel the pressures of their parents wanting them to get straight A's - I LISTEN. I offer advice, and so on. Also car advice, motorcycle advice, the regular stuff. I've not asked for nudes, I was never "on the radar" with the mods or the Admin - most of whom I was friends with. Joey - the mod who banned me didn't want to, and was rather pissed at the people who were going after me. But I'd planned to leave before I was 28, now I guess is as good a time as any.
I am sitting here, I have a lot of cleaning to do down here. 4 empty Pepsi boxes, lots of cans. Milk crates and boxes full of books. It is what it is. Its pretty clean for someone who's not out of bed much.
I have so much left in life to do. Ride cross country to the pacific - probably on the Yamaha XS400 (THAT'LL be an adventure hahahaha), learn to play the violin, write my book, become a teacher, get my health, clean myself back up again. You know - the usual.
My uncle Marty got me a birthday present. I should call him. Do that now.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Wagon Wheel
I Love this song:
This quite certainly made my night:
http://justindunes.blogspot.com/
It's always wonderful when you know mates are thinking of you, especially someone like Justin, I always enjoy his posts.
I just made a new vid for Youtube and am waiting for it to upload. I'm actually dressed to the nines tonight, or at least in my own style. My leather Redwing cowboy boots, some blue jeans, a worn out Coach belt, some Italian dress shirt my brother gave me, and my Boston University T-shirt - a give from Kyle from either Christmas or a Birthday back when he was a frosh. Now he's a Grad student teaching classes and getting a PhD in Mechanical Engineering. The boy is going to go into space some day, literally, and I still remember him when he was a frosh on Stage Crew - maybe 14 years old and I only knew him as Greenshirt as that was what he wore the first day of stage crew. He a freshman at the time would turn into the greatest friend I have ever had, thats the wild thing - some people take age much more seriously. A lot of seniors in high school would never associate with a lowly freshman, I did, and look what I got out of it!!
I'm in a good mood tonight. I am listening to amazing music.
I am in Tinychat with the other gay peeps, you got a couple guys in Florida, and there was a buddy of mine in Scotland not long ago, and then you've got the dude in Boston. I mean it just kicks ass.
I have decided not to be stupid with the money I don't have, so the Enfield project is being set aside. The XS400 is going to be my bike for the next few years. I will undoubtedly somehow turn it into a cafe racer. THAT will be a challenge! I love a challenge.
I feel like shit tonight, which inspired the next song, which I can't show, but it's Plowed by Sponge.
Say a prayer for me
Say a prayer for me
Say a prayer for me
Say a prayer for me
Say a prayer for me
I'm buried by the sound
Of a world of human wreckage
In a world of human wreckage
In a world of human wreckage
In a world of human wreckage
Well I'm lost and I'm found
And I can't touch the ground
I'm plowed into the sound...
Its very repetetive, but god I love it. I am in a good mood, a wonderful mood, a glorious mood, and I physically feel like death warmed over. My chest is screaming, as is my right shoulder blade, hands, legs, feet, eyes, headache, ribcage.... BUT I am not dying any faster than you so fuck it.
AND I am going to be TWENTY SIX! Can you fucking believe it? I the man who tried to eat a bullet at 15. NEVER thought I'd see 18, SURELY NOT 21! How did I manage 25? Now I'm to be 26? WOW.
But I am excited.
The doctors are great. They are working out new medications that might bring me back to having a social life again. Allow me to move around some more. You know I'm actually excited to be writing this from a chair and not bed? REALLY excited. They think it'll e years of therapy before I will be a more functionable human being. My early years screwed me up pretty badly. But I survived. Thats what I do, I am a survivor, I am a fighter, and a lover, and a ghost, hahaha
I don't know. I'm rolling. The new song is one I LOVE
It's originally a Leonard Cohen song. But John Cale does it sooo much better.
Anyways, that's it for me tonight.
This quite certainly made my night:
http://justindunes.blogspot.com/
It's always wonderful when you know mates are thinking of you, especially someone like Justin, I always enjoy his posts.
I just made a new vid for Youtube and am waiting for it to upload. I'm actually dressed to the nines tonight, or at least in my own style. My leather Redwing cowboy boots, some blue jeans, a worn out Coach belt, some Italian dress shirt my brother gave me, and my Boston University T-shirt - a give from Kyle from either Christmas or a Birthday back when he was a frosh. Now he's a Grad student teaching classes and getting a PhD in Mechanical Engineering. The boy is going to go into space some day, literally, and I still remember him when he was a frosh on Stage Crew - maybe 14 years old and I only knew him as Greenshirt as that was what he wore the first day of stage crew. He a freshman at the time would turn into the greatest friend I have ever had, thats the wild thing - some people take age much more seriously. A lot of seniors in high school would never associate with a lowly freshman, I did, and look what I got out of it!!
I'm in a good mood tonight. I am listening to amazing music.
I am in Tinychat with the other gay peeps, you got a couple guys in Florida, and there was a buddy of mine in Scotland not long ago, and then you've got the dude in Boston. I mean it just kicks ass.
I have decided not to be stupid with the money I don't have, so the Enfield project is being set aside. The XS400 is going to be my bike for the next few years. I will undoubtedly somehow turn it into a cafe racer. THAT will be a challenge! I love a challenge.
I feel like shit tonight, which inspired the next song, which I can't show, but it's Plowed by Sponge.
Say a prayer for me
Say a prayer for me
Say a prayer for me
Say a prayer for me
Say a prayer for me
I'm buried by the sound
Of a world of human wreckage
In a world of human wreckage
In a world of human wreckage
In a world of human wreckage
Well I'm lost and I'm found
And I can't touch the ground
I'm plowed into the sound...
Its very repetetive, but god I love it. I am in a good mood, a wonderful mood, a glorious mood, and I physically feel like death warmed over. My chest is screaming, as is my right shoulder blade, hands, legs, feet, eyes, headache, ribcage.... BUT I am not dying any faster than you so fuck it.
AND I am going to be TWENTY SIX! Can you fucking believe it? I the man who tried to eat a bullet at 15. NEVER thought I'd see 18, SURELY NOT 21! How did I manage 25? Now I'm to be 26? WOW.
But I am excited.
The doctors are great. They are working out new medications that might bring me back to having a social life again. Allow me to move around some more. You know I'm actually excited to be writing this from a chair and not bed? REALLY excited. They think it'll e years of therapy before I will be a more functionable human being. My early years screwed me up pretty badly. But I survived. Thats what I do, I am a survivor, I am a fighter, and a lover, and a ghost, hahaha
I don't know. I'm rolling. The new song is one I LOVE
It's originally a Leonard Cohen song. But John Cale does it sooo much better.
Anyways, that's it for me tonight.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Life
I am listening to "a Rush of Blood to the Head" by Coldplay. I'm not 100% why, I just am. It's been one hell of a week, or rather a few days that have felt like a year.
On Friday morning I was walking down my basement stairs after getting a bottle of water and felt a pop in my right calf muscle that hurt so bad I had to lift my leg up. I thought "Oh shit" because blood clots are a risk with the amount of time I spend in bed, and because a blood clot in that same location with the same symptoms is what ended up killing my father in 2007.
So when the pain didn't go away I debated telling mom and going to the ER or waiting until the 21st when I see my doctor. I actually asked my friend Ian for a second opinion and he suggested the ER sounded like a good idea. I intended to go Saturday morning, but mom talked to my uncle George and it was decided we should go that night.
So we went Friday night at 10pm and were there until 3AM. They seemed to think a clot was likely, but the test I needed couldn't be done until Saturday morning. Before leaving they told me if I began to have trouble breathing to call 911 immidiately because there was a solid risk of death. So knowing that, and knowing how dad died, I naturally didn't sleep at all. I told those people I care most about, and then we returned to the hospital at 8:30AM. I got the test done around 10:30AM and we got out of there around 2PM with the good word that I don't have a clot.
From the hospital mom took me to Saint John's where I hung out with John D and Paul W while John watched over the stage crew. I was able to offer solid advice here and there as far as the set went, which was nice. Feeling useful is always meaningful.
From there John took me to Walgreens to get a script of narcotic pain killers filled - my first since Aug. I have gone through 8 out of 10 - I have decided this weekend to be a vacation from my usual high levels of pain. I will return to my regular blends of medication tonight.
Yesterday mom and I went down the street and looked at a house for sale which was beautiful but slightly out of our price range, and slightly too large for my needs - though they'd fit hers - the issue would be how to keep it going once she is retired, it cost $350 a month to heat each side during the cold months of the winter. But had we decided to go for it, it would have been 2000sq ft of living space each - each side had a glorious livingroom, dining room, fire place, stair case, kitchen, 3 bedrooms on the 2nd floor with a full bath, a 4th bedroom on the 3rd floor and a GLORIOUS basement with lots of light and a door you could easily bring motorcycles in and out of.
It would have been the ultimate house - its just... too much I think, and its priced to sell - so we will loose it without a doubt.
We thought about it, and the seller was willing to buy our house from us. It just wouldn't have worked out quite right I don't think.
Ok I'm getting dizzy again. More later.
On Friday morning I was walking down my basement stairs after getting a bottle of water and felt a pop in my right calf muscle that hurt so bad I had to lift my leg up. I thought "Oh shit" because blood clots are a risk with the amount of time I spend in bed, and because a blood clot in that same location with the same symptoms is what ended up killing my father in 2007.
So when the pain didn't go away I debated telling mom and going to the ER or waiting until the 21st when I see my doctor. I actually asked my friend Ian for a second opinion and he suggested the ER sounded like a good idea. I intended to go Saturday morning, but mom talked to my uncle George and it was decided we should go that night.
So we went Friday night at 10pm and were there until 3AM. They seemed to think a clot was likely, but the test I needed couldn't be done until Saturday morning. Before leaving they told me if I began to have trouble breathing to call 911 immidiately because there was a solid risk of death. So knowing that, and knowing how dad died, I naturally didn't sleep at all. I told those people I care most about, and then we returned to the hospital at 8:30AM. I got the test done around 10:30AM and we got out of there around 2PM with the good word that I don't have a clot.
From the hospital mom took me to Saint John's where I hung out with John D and Paul W while John watched over the stage crew. I was able to offer solid advice here and there as far as the set went, which was nice. Feeling useful is always meaningful.
From there John took me to Walgreens to get a script of narcotic pain killers filled - my first since Aug. I have gone through 8 out of 10 - I have decided this weekend to be a vacation from my usual high levels of pain. I will return to my regular blends of medication tonight.
Yesterday mom and I went down the street and looked at a house for sale which was beautiful but slightly out of our price range, and slightly too large for my needs - though they'd fit hers - the issue would be how to keep it going once she is retired, it cost $350 a month to heat each side during the cold months of the winter. But had we decided to go for it, it would have been 2000sq ft of living space each - each side had a glorious livingroom, dining room, fire place, stair case, kitchen, 3 bedrooms on the 2nd floor with a full bath, a 4th bedroom on the 3rd floor and a GLORIOUS basement with lots of light and a door you could easily bring motorcycles in and out of.
It would have been the ultimate house - its just... too much I think, and its priced to sell - so we will loose it without a doubt.
We thought about it, and the seller was willing to buy our house from us. It just wouldn't have worked out quite right I don't think.
Ok I'm getting dizzy again. More later.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Norton/Enfield Switch to Enfield(ish)
Alright so I had an epiphany last night. I am working SO hard to put my father's Norton back on the road in any shape or form that I totally lost site of what the bike is, and also realized rather belatedly (2.5 years later) that putting the Norton on the road won't in any shape or form bring my father back from the Dead. If anything I'd just be more worried and concerned when I was riding it.
Now to build this bike:
I was going to have to build special mounting brackets for the engine, make a special engine sprocket that linked an Enfield engine to a Norton clutch, and then another special sprocket that linked a Norton Gearbox to either an Enfield rear wheel or the Triumph Rear wheel. I would have no center stand, the side stand is shit, I was going to have to make a special battery box that held the battery of course, then another box to hold the Boyer Power Box and the Ignition Coil. Then I was going to have to go through the massive amounts of sheer joy in getting the 67 Norton turned Enfield titled, inspected, and on the road.
Now also in the basement I have a 2002 Royal Enfield frame that was part of this bike:
All that remains of that bike is the defunct engine which I have already torn down and started to rebuild, the frame, and the gastank. So yes. There is some work to do. However it occurred to me that what I could do is use the engine with a gearbox, clutch, & gearbox I found for sale in NY - put into this frame as they were intended to be.
Now my last Enfield was glorious
This one won't look anything like that, and yet it will in a sense. The exhaust is flat black, the engine is alloy and in places flat green, the gearbox is I don't know what, the gastank is primer grey with some gold.
I plan to use the Norton Atlas rear fender, as well as the chrome/gold shrouded shocks that I have. I am going to use the Norton seat, and I am going to use the Norton front end. The end result should be something like this:
But less pretty, and less expensive, and it will get 75 miles per gallon and holds 4. Its a bike that you can get knobby and studded tires for, so it's a bike that I could run 4 seasons. Kick to start, when that fails push to start. You don't need a battery, although for turnsignals I will - unless I use LED turnsignals and brake light. I haven't decided on a carburetor yet, I have 3 to choose from. It's not a highway machine, but it will get the job done.
Anyways, ya thats the plan.
Wahoo.
Now to build this bike:
I was going to have to build special mounting brackets for the engine, make a special engine sprocket that linked an Enfield engine to a Norton clutch, and then another special sprocket that linked a Norton Gearbox to either an Enfield rear wheel or the Triumph Rear wheel. I would have no center stand, the side stand is shit, I was going to have to make a special battery box that held the battery of course, then another box to hold the Boyer Power Box and the Ignition Coil. Then I was going to have to go through the massive amounts of sheer joy in getting the 67 Norton turned Enfield titled, inspected, and on the road.
Now also in the basement I have a 2002 Royal Enfield frame that was part of this bike:
All that remains of that bike is the defunct engine which I have already torn down and started to rebuild, the frame, and the gastank. So yes. There is some work to do. However it occurred to me that what I could do is use the engine with a gearbox, clutch, & gearbox I found for sale in NY - put into this frame as they were intended to be.
Now my last Enfield was glorious
This one won't look anything like that, and yet it will in a sense. The exhaust is flat black, the engine is alloy and in places flat green, the gearbox is I don't know what, the gastank is primer grey with some gold.
I plan to use the Norton Atlas rear fender, as well as the chrome/gold shrouded shocks that I have. I am going to use the Norton seat, and I am going to use the Norton front end. The end result should be something like this:
But less pretty, and less expensive, and it will get 75 miles per gallon and holds 4. Its a bike that you can get knobby and studded tires for, so it's a bike that I could run 4 seasons. Kick to start, when that fails push to start. You don't need a battery, although for turnsignals I will - unless I use LED turnsignals and brake light. I haven't decided on a carburetor yet, I have 3 to choose from. It's not a highway machine, but it will get the job done.
Anyways, ya thats the plan.
Wahoo.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
A Ramble I guess.
I made this video a few days ago, and I think it is fitting to this update:
But there is more to life than just that right now. I had a better hold on what I wanted to say an hour ago, but my computer wasn't cooperating. I am not enjoying this whole being in bed for 10 months thing. It is really beginning to get to me. How can it not? I ask you that. How can it not?
What would you do if you had been in bed for 10 months? How would you combat medications that slow down your brain and make you feel weak - but don't kill the pain...
I am loosing my mind. How can it be that I was in Phoenix a year ago? Could it really have been so long ago? It isn't fair. We are coming up on a time when I will have been home for a year, and what do I have to show for it?
I have 2 more syndromes diagnosed as well as PTSD. Thats 3 more serious medical issues documented than when I rode cross country by myself over a year ago.
Do I have Disability? No. I have 3 Syndromes and a Disorder, and I don't have disability yet.
What the Fuck?
But there is more to life than just that right now. I had a better hold on what I wanted to say an hour ago, but my computer wasn't cooperating. I am not enjoying this whole being in bed for 10 months thing. It is really beginning to get to me. How can it not? I ask you that. How can it not?
What would you do if you had been in bed for 10 months? How would you combat medications that slow down your brain and make you feel weak - but don't kill the pain...
I am loosing my mind. How can it be that I was in Phoenix a year ago? Could it really have been so long ago? It isn't fair. We are coming up on a time when I will have been home for a year, and what do I have to show for it?
I have 2 more syndromes diagnosed as well as PTSD. Thats 3 more serious medical issues documented than when I rode cross country by myself over a year ago.
Do I have Disability? No. I have 3 Syndromes and a Disorder, and I don't have disability yet.
What the Fuck?
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About Me
- Jack Greenman
- Cry Havoc and Let Slip the Dogs of War! But no, really, I'm a student to be a motorcycle mechanic, I'm 25, I write a lot, I eat less than I should, I sleep less than I should, but I like to get out and live. I don't drink, but I smoke a pipe. My sense of style is at Least 40 years out of date, I am who I am, and That's who I am.