U2 - Exit

This is the song I used to play on loop when I had a loaded pistol on my desk and tried - often in vain - to think of reasons not to end it. This is the song that I had on loop when I put the barrel of a loaded pistol in my mouth and pulled the trigger 10 years ago. This is that song. Gun didn't go off by the way. This is the song I used to sing to myself all the time. This is that song:

Exit 

You know he got the cure

But then he went astray

He used to stay awake

To drive the dreams he had away

He wanted to believe 

In the hands of love

His head it felt heavy

As he cut across the land

A dog started cryin 

Like a broken hearted man

At the howling wind

At the howling wind

He went deeper into black

Deeper into white

He sees the stars shine

Like nails in the night

He felt the healing

Healing, healing, healing hands of love

Like the stars shiny, shiny from above

His hand in the pocket

His hand on the steel

The pistol weighed heavy

His heart he could feel was beating, beating

Beating, beating, beating

Oh my love, my love, my love, my love

So the hands that build

Can also pull down

Even the hands of love

Even the hands of Love!

I wish I had a picture of myself that goes back that far, this is close, I was 19 when this was taken.

Amazing how little 6 years has effected me physically.