I just got word that Tom's dead. Since that list was last updated Mike, Shawn, Patrick, Mark, all died. There are only 4 of us left. I want to cry. I want to scream out. I can't. I'm numb. I'm immune.
I have now been diagnosed with 3 syndromes and PTSD. I am 25. I have seen so much death. I have seen so much.
I tried to go work the phones at SJ tonight to try to raise money for the annual fund. My body locked up before it started. I did get to see a couple old friends from high school though which was cool.
I'm tired and I feel old as the moon. I don't like this. I don't like feeling like this. I miss being touched. I miss being cuddled. I have not been held by another guy in 10 years. I don't know when again... or if I ever will be again. Tom died from Heroin. Tom died because he was doing porn at the age of 13. I don't even know Tom's real name, and he died not ever knowing mine. Isn't that a kick in the head?
I'm just seeking a shelter from this storm.
No comments:
Post a Comment