Car, Life, Beauty =p

Alright so my car... I had been planning to sell it and start riding the motorcycle sort of as soon as possible, but right now there is no money for the motorcycle.

Now a little history on my car... My friend Stevie who has a history of wrecking cars bought this 1986 Gold Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera from this old priest with about 50,000 miles on it. He then drove it for a while before hitting a tree with it and crunching the front right corner. Jon, Brent, myself, and Stevie got a 1989 Red Olds of the same model and took the front panels off as well as cutting the front right corner off both cars (frame) and welding the good one onto the Gold car - so if you pop the hood you can see a Gold frame become a red frame hahaha. Well after a while Stevie sold the car to Jon for 1 case of cheep beer and a steak dinner. Jon sold the car to his friend Ernie for 2 cases of cheap beer, and Ernie sold the car to me for 2 cases of cheap beer last summer.

Since then the car has gotten chinese snow tires, a new steering rack ($80), a new master cylinder ($30), and a few other things. The lower sides are painted with cheap black truck bed liner to prevent rust, and there is an AZ motorcycle license plate bondo'd to the passenger front door on the bottom covering a rust hole. There is a toggle switch on the dash to turn on the cooling fan. She's.... a classic. =p

So the other day when I realized she's gonna stay with me a while longer, I changed the oil, oil filer, and spark plugs. The car flexed slightly on jack stands and now the hood won't close completely.

Solution? Pad Lock. 0.o

It would have been better spent in the middle but the front nose is fiberglass and I was worried about it pulling loose. So its currently on the passenger side. I have taken it out on the highway for a field test and discovered that it needs a second padlock on the drivers side which will be a tomorrow or later today project. I put down a strip of gorilla tape where I was going to mount to save the paint and prevent rust from the screw holes.

The Car by the way is named "Rudy" due to it's Red Nose.


Another quick project of the day was the steering wheel.


You see a few days ago the rubber nice little fake leather looking cover simply fell off. On the bright side the horn works now all the time. But besides being ugly (which I don't really care about) that little metal strip rattles. Now the instant thought is remove the strip, but you see... thats what activates the horn when you push on it.

So we come back to my standard fix for anything... Gorilla tape. It doesn't look too bad, it has fixed the rattle, and it gave me a way to put the Olds badge back on.

And of course the horn still works!

In other news for the few gay people who actually scan this.. (shuddup Brent, I know you aren't one of them) here is someone delightful to look at, and he's 19!

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Mom just came in and grilled me about my doctors and my pain levels and my medications, and all of that, kinda shot a solid hole in my good mood which wasn't all that strong to begin with. *sigh*

Sidecar, Norton

So I wrote to Jay Giese at Dauntless Sidecar asking him about an idea I had to mount the sidecar, and what I should do. I sent along this picture demonstrating my current idea, and asking him if he thought the bracket might hold under the stress of riding the sidecar rig, it was a longshot, but worth a try.


This was his reply:

John,
Do not use the lower rear mount how you have it set up. It will fail.
What we would do for the lower rear mount if it was in our shop is to
build a sub frame. The sub frame would attach to the center stand mounts,
go under the exhaust pipe and also attach where you have the ball now
mounted. This would put the ball under the exhaust pipes as far back as
you now have it but would be much stronger.

A frame clamp should work on the upper front just down a bit on the tube.
Rarely will we weld on a mount, usually only if the bike has been welded
on before however this is a less expensive way to get your upper mounts.
We will not sell just the body. We really want people to see the overall
quality of our product and as such really need to control all aspects of
the final product.

Jay Giese

So I got to thinking about using the center stand mount and thought well I could find some steel bar the same diameter as the frame and then another that would fit through the center stand mounts. I could connect them at a 90 degree angle with a solid bolt. THEN I could run another bracket up to the mount that I had been using before. I could then Take it together to a local shop and have it all welded together so that it was strong and had no chance of randomly coming apart from vibrations.

Well then I glanced over and remembered the front frame rail that the fellow who sold me the chassis had handed me that has a mounting ball on it already, and this frame rail has through holes for mounting the engine in the bike... and I thought for a few moments and this is what I came up with:


THAT is not Quite what Jay recommended but it will work, and it will work well. So what I'll do is get a Die the right size for that bar that I have and I will thread it in the right places, then I can run a bolt down on either end so that it will mount to the center stand brackets.

This is actually a bit more involved than I just made it out to be. What I'll have to do is:

First I'll have to cut down the frame rail so that it ends in the back just beyond the ball mount, and I'll have to cut it down in the front so it doesn't interfere with the brake pedal - so just after the brackets where the mounting hole is drilled.

Then thread the whole rod (cut to the length I need). Then I will slide it through the center stand holes and run a nut on the end to fix the far position. Then I'll run another nut down to clamp it to the center stand outside brackets. Then there will be another nut run down to where I want the frame rail to be fixed on the inside side of the bike, slide the frame rail up against THAT and then run one last nut down to clamp it in position. That way it won't Shift at ALL.

The next step will be to make a bracket to go to the foot peg mount, which will be a bit of 1/4" x 1" flat steel that I have, maybe 5" long. and I'll clamp it down really tight to my frame rail section so that it won't wiggle.

Then I can take it off and bring it to Worcester City Welding, I will leave it all together except for the outer Nut that clamps it to the far side of the center stand mounts. I will then have them weld the nuts in place so that nothing can move, as well as to weld caps on the ends of the pipe so that it's not open to weather. I can then paint the whole thing a nice shiny black, and behold I have a poor man's subframe. The whole thing should cost about $50 between the die and the welding.


========Norton 750 Atlas=========


That is my father (you know this) in a field at Nelson's Ledges in Ohio around 1971 drinking beer in a Triumph t-shirt standing with his 1967 Norton Atlas, which he bought new when he was 21 (in 1968). I still have it, but it's fallen on hard times, the engine needs totally rebuilt, and I even considered selling it for a long time, which was a HARD choice to make, because quite frankly it is the bike I have loved more deeply than any other since I was 7 years old, which is actually when dad told me I could have it.

I used to go out to the garage from the age of 8 until he died and sit on it and pretend that I was riding it, pretend I was a racer, or pretend I was Steve McQueen in the Great Escape (Yes I know that was a Triumph). But you know what I mean.

It's also the bike I always associated with Dad, my Hero. So to me it is the champion, it is the Unapproachable Norton! I have had two 73 Triumph 750s, I have yet to ride a Norton, the Atlas my dream bike, 38 bikes in 5ish years and no running Norton! What the hell?

So I have decided again to restore, to Resurrect the Norton. I'm not going to be stupid about it, but I am going to do it right. There is a Lot that needs to be done, and yet not really very much at all.

These are simple projects that require mechanical skill. Norvil in England makes every part you need to build a new Norton, and even sell (in England) brand new Norton's like this one for example is a 2009 Norton Dominator 600:



AND THIS is a restored 1967 Norton Atlas, ie, Dad's bike (but not):


That is more or less the dream as it were. To go back to that. And I have a lot still. I have the frame, gearbox, main engine parts, fenders, forks, a wheel, gearbox, seat, oil tank, gauges....

So Norvil sell's these "Kits" take this one for example, the bottom end rebuild kit:


That kit as you can see (even if you don't understand) includes all the parts that I need to completely rebuild the bottom end so that I can re-fit the crank shaft in the cases. Next would be to put the Timing side back together so that I can seal up that case. Then I would get new pistons and rings and install them and re-mount the barrel and the pushrods. Next is the top end kit, which is basically new valves and head bolts. After that the main engine is back together again. I'm replacing the Magneto with a Boyer Electronic Ignition kit. She'll get a new alternator as the original is hammered and ancient by all rights for what it is.

I plan on splurging and getting a belt drive kit.

When it comes down to it its not too extravagant when you cost out getting a new clutch or rebuilding one, plus the chain, sprockets, oil seals, etc. The Belt Drive doesn't actually NEED oil, it just needs vents so it can breathe.

Gearbox needs rebuilt, then I'll have a functioning powerplant. The forks have already been rebuilt, I have head pipes and mufflers, tank, seat, oil tank... I'll need a new rear wheel though, and possible a new front wheel.

The company Grimeca makes great drum brakes, and has been doing so forever.


So I can either buy new Grimeca wheels or I can watch E-bay for Norton wheels that may need rebuilt. I think she'll get a new rear wheel for sure, and then I'm not sure on the front.

My goal is to have the bike finished in 4-5 years. Then I can probably give the KZ1000 back to Balducci and just ride the Norton year round, which would actually be a better suited machine for winter riding, and actually has an even better suited frame for it than the KZ.

At any rate, there is my long overdue LONG motorcycle talk.

Drugged, Motorcycles, Life...

Yes as the title states I am feeling remarkably out of it right now. I Did get to the Boulevard a few hours ago. But I just took my 1200mg of Gabapenton, my 50mg of Sertraline, and I still have some hydrocodone in my system, soooo I don't feel so hot right now.

I'm downloading 'The Good Heart' which I have wanted to see for quite some time.

As I sat eating lunch earlier today, I took this for one of those "what do you look like right now" threads on one of the forums, and I have to say that I really am going to miss this house, I doubt I will ever live in something so beautifully put together again.



God I don't feel good. I can't STAND this.

Anyways... fuck it...

Thoughts on People's overly sense of Human progress vs Technological progress (and other thoughts)

Misconception of Growth

I am not 100& sure what I want to call this, and this is just my first dive at it, it will be better thought out in the future and this small explanation will vanish.

I find that it has been a common thing among us to think that we, our generation, our society is somehow significantly improved from the world as it was 100, 200, 300, etc years ago. We are not. Our technology is better, but I don't think that mankind as a whole has changed nor improved all that much in the last 1000 years.

Go back and think about mankind. See this is where more active research will be needed, all I have now are off hand references without the documented fact to back them up. But look back. How many years ago did we evolve into what you see today as a naked figure? How many years ago did we develop speech? Writing? If you look at humanity in the long view going back to when we were knuckle draggers then this last 1,000 years has been a skipping stone in a lake, we've gone one skip, MAYBE two.

What I mean, and this is hard because the medications are reeking havoc on my ability to stay coherent. People think that we are so progressive because we can now fly, or we can administer medicine, build tall building, computers, cell phones, and so on.

But if you take away the technology, how different are we from the Romans? Or the English Empire in the 1700-1800s? From the early Americans? How different are we from any of these people? If anything we have regressed.

Sure some things have changed, Slavery is mostly dead, but not really, I mean it still exists all over the world, just not in as great force. Color is not as big of an issue as it once was. More people can read and write. Gays are becoming more commonly accepted. Yes, some things are better. But when and where? I mean really?

Black men were free in England and other countries decades before they were in America. Gays were repressed to the same extent they were 50 years ago, it hadn't changed much, it was still illegal in the military - you'd get hanged.

Now you cry out, What is this?! We don't murder in the streets or in the military anymore. But we also don't have a sense of honor nor respect anymore.

Duels were fought over honor for the most part. Now you look at the word honor and maybe you giggle a little bit. Did you know that even as far as the 1800s captured officers, gentleman, were allowed to keep their sword and to roam free about a city, as long as they gave their word as a gentleman that they would not attempt escape? Who now really trusts someone's word?

Ah, but we don't have fighting to the death. But we do have cage matches, on TV with millions of Americans cheering for men who are beating on each other. Do I misunderstand the sport? No, I get it, I actually do, I understand and respect people who put their bodies to that test. But that doesn't change what it is. We have a blood thirst for violence. That has not changed.

Has the situation of the poor changed? Has it really? So many of them in prison, looked down upon in the streets, begging. Have we really progressed? You cry out, We have Shelters! But you know that there have been soup kitchens and poor houses for centuries.

We are still young as anything. We still struggle with gods and prophets. We still have little understanding of what is in the heavens. We still treat people the same, we still fight wars over simple matters.

I challenge anyone to show some form of progress we have made that is not based on technology. Some giant shift in the culture that can not be shown to have existed within the last 1000 years or before. I challenge anyone to show something that shows if you take the technology away we as a people are any different than we were before.


====

So here is my other thought. I am bored and I am wasting away.

My friends are scattering, and I have nothing against them for it. But say.. Kyle is almost always in Boston, which at least is close, Brent lives in Conn 5 days a week and works up here the other 2, he is around for another year or so but he has his eyes set on NY or some other meca. Liam is in NH year round, Paul is moving to Salem, Jon spends far more time in Korea than the United States. I think Will will eventually head to California or such.

This is all totally cool, god bless technology (yes I realize the irony), and some are sticking around for ever I think, John and Stevie. Mikey will be around but he's incredibly busy. Chris I think is staying fairly local. I mean I do have friends here.

But what I miss more than anything else is school. Oh ho, I can see Brent scratching his head. But its not the atmosphere, though I do miss classroom antics, no no, its the work. I miss History courses, I miss writing papers, I miss reading books I wouldn't think to read, and hearing views on thins that no one else would think. I miss learning.

So what I think I'm going to do is start reading again, there are a ton of my dad's books around. I will read and I will write about what I am reading or I will explore idea. I will eventually begin writing papers again, though they will probably be put in a drawer. I need to wake my mind back up, I used to be better that this.

Rotting Ramblings.

I don't mean to whine. I feel very not good right now. Its sort of hard to describe, unless you've ever come off of hard drugs, then I am guessing you more or less know that sense of ache and uncomfort. The catch of course is I'm not coming off hard drugs, I'm just taking my daily allotments of pills and wishing that I'll wake up one day and feel my age. There is absolutely no comfort here. I say it here because I hate saying it out loud. I mean if you're in some form of pain 24/7 eventually you want to tell someone, but how can you? People don't want to hear that you're in pain - it makes them uncomfortable. It makes you seem weak for talking about it. You want to talk about feeling weak? I swear to God and all that is Holy that if I had an easy way out of this RIGHT now I'd take it. That's why I don't keep easy way outs around me.

When people ask me what I do for a living I smile and say "I live off your taxes" but I think I might change that to "I survive" or something a little more sinister. No I don't have Cancer, and I'm not dying any faster than you. But oh my god every fucking day I feel like I'm either rotting away or having a fucking heart attack - which hurts so bad that breathing brings tears to my eyes. So life is an endurance race, the hope is that at some point there is a vast improvement.

I'm slowly taking over the Masterbedroom. Today I slowly shifted most of my clothes into my father's dresser. The top drawer is still mostly his stuff, I don't have the heart to clean it out. I have an idea for that though. It almost seems like sacrilage. If you want a real eye opener I am laying in the spot where he died, and I sleep on his side of the bed. Most of his Model Engineering books are up here, as well as books on engines, sweating pipe, and electricity from the 1920s. Even a book from the 30s on building your own telescope. These weren't collector's items for dad, he read them and put what they taught into practice, I will probably be doing some of the same, I plan on using one of them to help me as I want to make copper fuel lines for the Yamaha XS400 - I think it is my best shot at what I need to do.

Alright, I am going to hobble down and breathe some smoke. I might as well have a reason to feel like death incarnate.

Not Good.

Well... I know I haven't written in a while. Its been a fucked up week. I don't feel so good right now, I slept 23 hours today.

Yesterday was bad. A lot of people would think it was good, but it was bad. I hung out with this dude that I really liked, but didn't know so good. My 11 years of not being with a guy is sort of ended. He was cute, he had a good body. It FELT right, but my mind was reeling and I just couldn't follow through if you gather my meaning. I couldn't commit to it. So in a way it was great, because it has been a VERY long time since I have been able to feel another person up against me where there wasn't money involved. But.. I just.. I'm too fucked up in the head, and I thought that there was going to be more too it, I didn't realize that it was a hook up, and well, it all really fucked up my head. Oh god the nightmares and flashbacks I had last night, woke up in a cold sweat more than once. It was stupid, I wasn't ready for it. Sometimes you can want something SO bad that you can forget that you shouldn't.

Pains been all over the map this week, and my head is so fucked up, I think its the new pills, I'm not sure yet. Its not pot, I have barely smoked any at all since I started, though that sort of helps with the pain, I mean its not bad. I just don't know how to handle this.

I am so fucking lonely. I WANT to date someone, I want to be loved and to love. I want to be touched and to cuddle and to do all the things that with not being alone. I am so fucking tired of being alone. But I'm not ready. There is still so much fear, and so much anger with what happened to me all those years ago. I just want to curl up in a ball and not move again. I can't handle it right now, so I'm going to put it on the shelf and just keep trying to survive. No one can know how lonely this is.

Anyways... fuck it.

Masters of War

I have been listening to this song a lot lately. As sung by Eddie Vedder, perhaps my favorite musician of all time, he is the lead singer/song writer for Pearl Jam, plays with a dozen other bands at random, does amazing solo work, and does some of the best covers I have ever heard, this song was written by Dylan.

Come you masters of war, you that build all the guns
You that build the death place, you that build all the guns
You that hide behind walls, you that hide behind desks
I just want you to know, I can see through your masks
You that never done nothing, but to build and destroy
You play with my world, like its your little toy
You put a drug in my head, then you hide from my eyes
And you turn and run following the fast foolish lie
Like Judas of old, you lie and deceive
A world war can be won, and you want me to believe
But I see through your eyes, and I see through your brain
Like I see through the water that runs down my drain
You that fasten all the triggers, for the others to fire
Then you sit back and watch, while the death count gets higher
You hide in your mansion, while young people's blood
Flows out their bodies and is buried in the mud
You've thrown the worst fear, that could ever be hurled
The fear to bring children, into this world
For threatenin' my baby, unborn and unnamed
You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins
How much do I know, to talk out of turn?
You might say that I'm young, you might say I'm unlearned
But there's one thing I know, though I'm younger than you
Even Jesus would never forgive what you do
Let me ask you one question, is your money that good?
Will it buy you forgiveness? Do you think that it could?
Oh, I think you will find, when your death takes its toll
All the money you made will never buy back your soul
And I hope that you die, and your death will come soon
I'll follow your casket, in the pale afternoon
And I'll watch as your lowered, into your deathbed
And I'll stand on your grave till I'm sure that your dead




So I'm sitting here in bed at 3:35AM and I mean... I just took another 1200mg of the one drug. I'm listening to Pearl Jam covering The Who. I'm just trying... you know?

I'm hoping to see Will tonight, not sure yet, we'll see. I also got to get Chris's rear wheel to the shop for him. I gotta see Dr Starr, and I forget what else. Pay for my carbs.

I find one of the hardest things in life is to take my meds. I have this natural aversion to taking pills. I HATE it, I don't care if they are uppers or downers, I don't care if they are life savers. I just hate having to take pills, I used to not take my ritalin because even though it was GOOD for my studying, I just DONT like taking pills.

So now I have to take 4 pills three times a day, each of those is 300mg. Then there is a 50mg pill that I have to take every day. Then there is this gel that I have to rub on either my shoulders or my abs every day (not that I have abs anymore).

I think its the greatest kicker. Isn't it always the people who hate meds who have to take them? I mean HAVE to. I won't die if I stop my meds, but after a couple days I sure as hell WISH I was dead.


I feel SO much ANGER. I assure you that this is Not the way my life was supposed to work out. Look I know by all rights I have it pretty good. If I was in the 3rd World I'd be dead. I could be poor - I mean REALLY poor. I'm in a glorious fucking room right now, I mean really truly magnificent. Big windows, tall ceilings, arched walnut doors with full mirrors a soaking tub, walk in shower, etc in the next over, wonderful posters, a beautiful desk, lovely floors, king size bed. Look I GET IT, I'm Not totally fucked. I GET that.

But you know what? It still sucks. Feeling like I'm half dead all the time, I mean, well fuck I can't even begin to describe how I feel right now, and all the time - how do I put the pain and the fucked up head, how can I possibly put that into words? I can't.