4:07AM

The Enfield went up for sale last night for $1500, which is about $1000 less than it's worth, and equally so for what I have in it. Got to love the fire sale method. But I need that money to get back East.

Going back East. Ya, that's a kick in the head, continues to kick me in the head, and I am utterly overwhelmed by the idea of how to pack up all my stuff and get back East. I hadn't anticipated this.

I remember when I left in July 08 I said I'd not come back early unless it was in a pine box. Well I'm pretty fucking close. I weigh about 138. I am in constant pain. Yes yes, I've been through all this, I know. It's just so hard to turn loose of this one.

I'm trying to remain upbeat. 

I'll be going back to family. 

Mom's giving me the master bedroom, which has a bathroom to die for. A walk in shower and a tub that someone 6'5" can actually fit into. All tile, walls, floors. The purple stained glass window. Haha, there's even a powder room. The fixtures are all Crane which was a prestigious company for many years, top notch when the house was built in the 20s, and lets face it the bedroom is bigger than my apartment, and has 4 large windows looking out on beautiful views. Walnut floors, the 3" thick arched walnut doors with full length mirrors. 

But let's not fool around, dad did Die in that room. He died on the bed I'll be sleeping in. I can take it though. I can take just about anything.

The 3 year anniversary of Sam's death was last month, his birthday is next weekend. *kick*

But I have dad's motorcycle, the Triumph T100 - which is excellent as the Volvo wagon - the car dad and I drove to Mexico and back when I was 17... that's gone now, sold away for scrap while I've been in Phoenix. Am I allowed to cry for a car?

I'll be able to see Kyle again. Boston is Much closer to Worcester than Phoenix. Paul and Chris are finishing up at WPI, two of my best friends. They both have bikes in mom's garage, I actually supplied them both with those bikes. Chris with a '76 Yamaha for free, and Paul I sold my Moto Guzzi. 

How I miss that bike, the Guzzi. But Paul is in love with it as much as I was. I still remember that day, it was a perfect day. 

I can go back to my trips to The Boulevard Diner in the wee small hours, I can go back to Coney Island. I can go back to bowling. 

Worcester the city that always forgives me, even when I can't forgive myself. 

John Deedy too, there is a missed friend. I actually found the keys to his apartment tonight in an Altoids tin. 

Balducci has been visiting since Wed. He flies onto Maine tomorrow, err, well in 2 hours we take him to the airport. In his luggage he is carrying a seat, airbox, and magneto for my motorcycles, always a good friend trying to save me some trouble!

I look over to my left at the wall and see pictures of Dad. Always brings tears to my eyes. I can't help it. How can I be expected to help it?

I have made great friends down here, Cam, Zack, Zero, and others. Cam is my best friend here. I gave him the KZ1000 I rode out here on after I'd known him for a day. Just to feel like myself again. Such a different set of cats than I'd known before. A tattoo artist, a Texan firefighter musician, a mexican gang banger. I'm also friends with farmboys, california pot heads, motocross racers, rice rocket types, and harley buffs. What variety. 

I also befriended Joe, an instructor at the school. Born in the same town. A true New Englander. Made great money building expensive Harley's. Great guy. Reminds me heavily of Steve Davis, but without a conscience. 15 years in the Army and a few gunshot wounds will do that to you. But I have the greatest esteem for the man, and he's got a cool wife and a great kid. He's been really cool to me since I've been here, I've eaten many a free meal over there, spent hours working on bikes and learning tons. 

I walk away with two good tattoo's. I walk away with my pride intact. I walk away knowing I did EVERYTHING I could, Gave everything I had, and more. I am now a walking skeleton. I am now Death warmed over. 

I've lost the plot tonight. I have to get out of here.