Yamaha XJ400

So Liam gave me his Yamaha XJ400. This is what the bike would look like new.


And this is what mine looked like just before the hour long ride home. We were going at 55mph and got a lot of awesome looks on the highway. 3 people took pictures of us. It was a good time.


I have taped the seat with Gorilla tape. It shouldn't take too long to put the bike back together. Once that's done I'll have to clean up the mufflers a bit, charge the battery, and paint over the rusty spots with some black paint for the sake of inspection. The bike needs a chain, a new sprocket installed up front, and I forget what else... oil!

Anyways, thats the trick.

^ Thats my new computer desktop. I'm a geek at heart. It's also an awesome picture. Star Trek: The Voyage Home is one of my earliest memories. I think I saw it in the theater when it came out with dad, but I was only 2 years old when it came out.

Today should be quite interesting. An old friend Dan is heading to the house around 11am, he lives right down the street - graduated from my old high school last year. He is more of a friend of Liam, which is where we are headed later on. The plan for the day is to drive up to Liam's in my 86 Olds sedan, and collect the 82 Yamaha XS400 - and probably collect Liam as well. I am not yet sure on Liam - I am hoping that he will come back to Worcester with us, but he has always been somewhat unpredictable. But he's a great friend.

I'm feeling pretty hammered, and I think today might land me in bed for a month - but its a free bike and a chance to see some friends. I've been looking forward to today for over a month. We'll see what happens.

Monday is apparently a large gathering of friends (of all ages) at the local smoke shop. It started out as just myself and an old school councelor and its expanded to guys my age, his age, and everyone in between.

Humbug. I'm in pain - I'll be back later.

My Response to a Gay who doesn't believe in Bisexuals.

[QUOTE]No offense to the bi-sexuals out there. But my view on it is 'Bi now, gay later' simply based on a number of friends who have come out as bi-sexual but never been with a girl since.[/QUOTE]

I do take offense. Have you ever noticed that you never get anything non offensive following that statement. It's like saying "With all due Respect" and then you follow with something disrespectful.

I have known that I am bisexual for going on 14 years. I have yet to see that "gay later" that you speak of. I am still as turned on by women as I was when I was figuring out that I liked girls (had my first real crush in the 4th grade). Technically I'm more turned on by them because I have experience the incredible feelings and passion you can have with a woman in bed.

But I fall in love with guys, I like them for their personalities, I like their bodies, I like their minds, I like that fact that... I like everything about them.

I AM bisexual. 14 years of unwavering - no doubts.

You imply that somehow one day I'm going to wake up and not be turned on by women? I'm 25, its not a phase, its not confusion, its what I am.

It's insulting and offensive - especially from someone who will be judged the same way by straights who don't understand and think that you're just confused, or that you are going through a phase, that one day you'll turn straight. And they back that argument with examples of people who have "turned straight" with the help of organized religion *spits* and or sheer willpower.

Well those people are probably still gay. The people you see might have thought it was easier to claim Bi and then as their friends become comfortable -- then tell the truth.

Don't judge me and the others here who really are Bisexual by some collection of people you know. I don't judge You by my experiences with other forum members. You can only judge individuals as individuals.

Thats not a rant. That's my reaction to you telling me that I am pretending to be something I'm not - or that somehow I'm in a phase. *laughs* It's just fucking Ignorant.

Norton/Enfield & Yamaha

Ok so we'll cover the Yamaha first. I have had dozens of ideas on how to make her look better - when she was Liam's I was brainstorming for him, now I have been brainstorming for me. The bike looks like this:


One of my ideas when it was Liam's was to make use of my old Enfield frame plus the spare Sportster tank I have:


Then after it became mine I found I had a shot at a BSA gastank from the early 70s, which if it fits could in theory look something like this if I get an old bench seat as well:

THAT is a look I quite like! But the chances due to the frame design are slim.

Now on Ebay late last night I found new fiberglass Manx replica tanks that are "Universal" fit - now I almost NEVER trust universal anything. BUT then I found a stock XS400 tank for sale, and it showed an underside pic, so I did a compare of the tanks (as well as another the company sells which is show on the right):



They also have measurements available. SO if it checks out. Well the tank would be interchangeable between the Norton featherbed frame and the Yam. So its cost worthy. So that frame plus old school Manx style seats the same company sells, a little 1/4 fairing, and some replica Lucas turnsignals and the XS would eventually go from ugly American knock off bastard to cafe racer - and I would treat and ride it as such.


Anyways, as to the Enfield question.

I know that the current crank has been through minor trauma. I know it will be ok for now, but eventually needs rebuilt or replaced. Now I don't know what I want to do. Do I want to mod the engine to get some real HP? Its to be a poor man's ES2 really. A Norton 500cc single which I cant afford - so I'm making one hahaha.

I know that the US importer offers a $700ish crank rebuild that will give the Indian Crank new life, and is promised to stand up to 6000rpm. Now.. $1200ish will get you a European Crank. But do I NEED a European crank? I know you can get a stroked crank for about $1500. But that's absurd. I have the XS400 if I want real HP (and yes for me real HP is about 50, I just have never seen the applicable need for having 100+ HP. I have toured the country now by motorcycle alone, plan to again, I have ridden new ducatis and 73 Triumphs, and Enfields, Guzzis, Jap bikes new and old... I'm happy with 50HP)

So what do I want to do with the Enfield engine? Well I want to get the Indian Crank rebuilt with the roller bearing and such. I want to slowly changed out (from the bottom up) all the Indian made parts for English or European made parts. She already has a new piston and alloy barrel from the last engine.

I also have a Compression Release Valve off a Harley which I have been working to fit - beats the stock setup



Anyways thats good for now.

More later.

Norton/Enfield

Christmas is approaching - and as it approaches my desire to see the new crank cases (again) and how they fit in the Norton Chassis (first time) with the AMC gearbox and the Norton primary covers is driving me crazy.

See I know that it all works with the oil tank removed from the cases - that's what I have for cases now. So the question is - is the oil tank too deep for the gearbox? Technically it can't be. The frame has plenty of room, but - and there is always a but - if I can't use the primary cases that I have, then I'd have to fashion new cases, deal with the Norton & Enfield difference in clutch/drive, and either the new cases have to hold oil or I have to invest in a belt drive + parts.

SO... If The Norton gearbox won't line up, then what I have to do for cost and time is get an Enfield gearbox and go at it raw - now I can get an Enfield clutch new for $90. Do I want a new 5 speed gearbox? Or find a used 4 speed? I would prefer the AMC gearbox, but we'll see what happens.

More later.

A collection of Thoughts.

I made a very general video on Youtube a few days ago. I don't expect you to watch me ramble for 10 minutes, though here it is:


What I do want to share is what I said at the end of the video, which was just as I was talking - the clearest example of my situation:
"But in any event I'm not complaining so much, as I'm tired of saying "Oh well, I'm fine" as I'm crumpling in a corner. And people look at you like you're complaining or you're trying to get attention. Because you're in pain all the time, and its not that, its just... You have to talk about it, if you're not talking about it uh it it wears you down and you get depressed. So you got to be vocal about the fact that you uh feel like you're dying all the time, even though you're not dying. And I'm twenty five, and I live in my mother's basement. And I can't move, and I can't go to school, and I'm waiting on disability - and I mean what what else can I do? What else do I have to do? I can't... I can't work with my hands much any more, I can barely read books, I can barely write and I used to write all the time, and I can't write - and I can't draw... and and like what the hell... am I supposed to do?

What am I supposed to do? So I just do this. I just exist. It's all I've got left. So umm that's it. This is almost ten minutes and I'm going to stop this, and I'll upload it later."


I have my old Russian pocket watch on my lap, a Moinja which has served me through all of Saint John's and many other adventures of life, college, cross country treks, all sorts of things, this watch has traveled as my time piece. Its ugly and its loud, and its battered, but oh what a watch it is for $50 I got an 18 jewel mechanical movement that will keep time until I am an old old man.


You may remember we are planning to move. We found a decent duplex for sale, local, god knows if it will still be for sale later on, but here's the size comparison between the two:


That's from the top (obviously) so we would be cutting down on heating a bit. Mom would have one half of the house and I would have the other. I believe there are fireplaces for both sides which is nice - I love fires. I can't wait to have an apartment again, a place all my own - even if it is not really "mine" as in earned and paid for by myself - it is still, well it is still my own.


Then there is the Norton Enfield project which I wrote about, I showed a mock up of it here:


Well it is on its way:


Those are of course the wrong cases, but what can I say about that? I have the new ones in a box thats wrapped under the Christmas tree so not until the 25th will I know just what is going on in that department. Meaning - I won't know if I can use the gearbox I want to use with the primary cases I have - or if I will have to buy a Enfield gearbox and put together a full Enfield engine in the Norton chassis. But at LEAST there is progress!!!!!


This last picture is a gift of a dear dear friend of mine who has given me his old motorcycle:


A Yamaha XS400 - which makes 45HP if running right, SOMETHING to be said about that! It needs a few things, but that's not a bad deal! I'm going to sell the GS550 as a parts bike and give my friend half of what ever I get for it.

Anyways, more later.

Today I write, or is it now. Now I write? I am in the mood to write and to think. It's more rare these days that I get to a blog - because my hands hurt all the time.

I find that I am on the verge of tears. It's not the pain so much, I can handle that - I almost never cry over the pain anymore, not even when its complete agony, which unfortunately is often. No no, the tears are for the fog that once was my mind.

I can think still, the Gabapentin - it's not like the narcotics, it leaves some of my mind alone, perhaps most of it. But I am tired, I am weary. Even when I sleep well, even then my mind is often worn out. Sometimes, sometimes I slur a bit or I mix up the words, or there is a stutter.

Last week was solid. On a Thur I went up to Keene and saw a theater production held by a good friend of mine - he and some others converted a barn into a college theater. The show was written by a student - and was absolutely excellent, it was called "Dead Flags" and about the end of the world, and a group of survivors rediscovering their humanity. The drive to Keene was hard, and the drive home was harder. But it was worth it.

Friday was a trip out to New Braintree to cut down a Christmas tree with mom. We took the Olds, it was a bit of fun mixed with some yelling - she's tired and I'm hammered. But we get along good. Been going to that same place for 10 years. I will forever go there, as long as it's open. I have so many happy memories of going with Dad, or with my brother, or by myself. Still, it was hard on the body, especially after the trip the day before.

Saturday I stretched myself even farther. I went up to UNH to meet up with my close friend Liam. I think the world of that boy, and hadn't seen him since before Summer. We met up so he could go an look at a motorcycle. A 1989 Suzuki GS500 - lovely machine, cheap, I'm happy to say that Liam is getting it. It fits him. It needs a center stand, something I will eventually provide him with. After checking out the bike we were heading back to his bicycle which was at the post office and got a call from my friend Jon who is a Nuclear Design Engineer with Westinghouse. So instead we went up to get a tour of the shops where they build power plants, and got some awesome explanations of how stuff works. My father would have been giddy as a schoolboy in that shop - bursting with questions - it humbled me, reminded me of how much I miss him.

Sunday, a day when I could barely move, Jon came down to Worcester as the new forks for the Harley had arrived. He also brought his welding rig to make new exhausts for my Suzuki GS550. It turns out they sent us the wrong forks, and it turned out that I'd need to get exhausts off of Ebay. But we did manage to get some sanding and painting done, now all the tinware for the Harley except the oil tank is a flat shit brown. Our little joke for all the weekend warriors - which Jon certainly is not one. Jon would leave tomorrow for the west coast on a '74 Sportster that will shake out your fillings - if he had time. He doesn't - he's back to Korea after Christmas to finish a plant or two. Crazyness. Brent showed up during the night and he and Jon hung me another cabinet. Good friends.

I got the Norton frame down in the basement and wrestled the Enfield engine into it along with the gearbox. It'll work.



Right now, as I type this my eyes are heavy, my brain feels all fucked up. My chest hurts, it hurts a LOT, almost keeled over earlier. My right leg is throbbing down to my foot which I can't feel, yet there are sharp pains shooting up my leg from that spot. My hands hurt, my shoulders, a digging piercing pain behind my right shoulder blade, my head is heavy. And yet my left leg - except for my big toe is Fine. Its like a giant weight of air is pressing down on me, heavy as fuck. Crushing the life out of me.


I don't enjoy this. It brings tears to my eyes. Jon is a Nuclear Design Engineer, Brent is a Helicopter Pilot, Steve is working at a high school and has plans to become a History teacher, Mike and Al are almost pharmasists. Ian's a dentist. Liam is going to have a degree that sets him up to run a camp or own a rafting company or what ever. Gary has built a theater, and is going to make it.

I could have done so much. I could have been a teacher right now. I could have been an engineer. I could have been a techie in the theater. I could have been working the last 3 years as a Chef out of one of the best Culinary Schools in the world.

What could have been is what hurts the most. I lay here and sometimes can't help but wonder how it should have worked out. Instead I lay here most of my days, in agony. Waiting for Disability to go through. Holding the debt collectors at bay. There are things people say, they say you have this great chance at SSI - and then you never hear back from them. The worst part is I don't even know how to get ahold of most of these people. I'm so scattered. I can focus sometimes for short stints of time. I'll focus when I can. I feel like I am prison. These walls the close around me and strangle me.

I'm in so much pain right now. People think you're complaining or seeking attention. I have spent Years saying "No, I'm fine" as I crumple in the corner - or keep working until I fail. They look at you like you're a failure or a freak. "Why does he still hang out around his old high school?" "Why doesn't he move on?" They see the outside - they see the shell. I hate the judgements. I hate the pain. I hate being trapped.

Friends will talk about how much they hate not being able to work, how crazy it would make them if they couldn't work on things. I can't stand this - but what choice do I have. I'm in limbo. I'm in purgetory.

I havent been able to take a bath in over a week, and I can't remember my last shower. The water from a shower beats down on you, and physical contact causes pain. Soaking in the tub helps - but getting in and out.

I'm crying now.

God I hate this. What makes me happy? Friends & motorcycles.

I have good friends. Feel like I'm going to puke. I have motorcycles. I'm getting a new one. New as in 1982. It was Liam's - it needs sprockets - which he has, a chain - which he has - and tires which he doesn't. It runs, it weighs under 400 pounds, makes 45HP. Mainly it runs and is complete - has a clear title.

The GS550 needs mufflers, the carbs need set up better, might need electrical, needs turnsignals, needs a bunch of random work.. I just don't have the money or the energy. I JUST want a bike on the road when the snow melts. So Liam is giving me the XS400 for free. Despite it being "Free" I am giving Liam half of what ever I get for the GS550. I think I can get $200 for it. For someone who has another $250 and a body that works it'd make a good bike.

Now any money I come by after the tires are had, can go into life and the Enfield/Norton.


Anyways, anyone who read this, I bow to you. I'm done for now. My left foot just woke up and hurts enough to bring tears. I have to go see Alley today - my councelor for pain management - and just SOMEONE to talk to. I also have to get to the Owl Shop and grab some more tobacco.

Anyways I'm done for now.
Again, Thank You.