I'm not exactly in the talking mood right now. Because I'm not in a talking mood, I don't really know what I'm doing here. But here I am all the same. I'm just trying to keep my head together, it's a hard thing, I'm spending all my time down here.

Now I do have motorcycle parts on the way. I have the bits and pieces for the Yamaha that I'll need. I'm still waiting on the Exhaust system - it should be around soon. The car is still down, down until this weekend.

Its been a rough few weeks. It's wearing on my optimism. I can deal with it, I always deal with it. This is the longest I've ever been down and not pretty heavily sedated. It's not... being on narcotic pain killers aren't, they aren't good for me, they mess with my head, they make me stupid, and they make me sleep all the time. BUT when I was on them, time seemed to flow easier. It also would wipe clean the memory of having been in pain so long. But now, now I'm on these other pain meds, and they leave me totally coherent. It also leaves me in a lot of pain. So I can remember the pain, and what's going on...

I have never been in this much pain this long, normally when it gets this bad, I have access to pain killers. I HATE them, I HATE feeling numb to everything, but it's better than This.

I'm a tough guy, I can handle this. I know I can. But how long? When will they get the medications right?

I am looking at being in pain for the rest of my life. There isn't a cure for 3 syndromes. There isn't a cure for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. There's only therapy and pain management in my future.

I know that it does no good to mourn the life I didn't have. I'm still allowed to be mad as hell about it. Aren't I?

Anyways, this isn't productive. I'm just tired of being in pain all the time.