Bikes are always on my mind, as you may well know. Worked on the Royal Enfield last night. I installed the
two new pushrods in the bike and we started her up, and well she ran pretty damned well. There is some
serious frustration in the fact that the battery is shot, so I got myself a new one of those today, it's in the top
box as we speak. With the new battery there are serious hopes that the bike will run like a clock, and that will
be the end of it. Then I can bring the bike home and give Joe his lift back.
Joe bought a 1954 Chevy pickup truck for $1000 which he intends to restore. It was running when he got it
but looks like a well used unrestored truck from the 50s. In other words it's beat to shit. But he has high hopes
and is really getting into it. He's a bit tired of bikes at the moment, tired of the hardship that goes with them,
and looking forward to a 50s pickup. When he was a kid he and his father restored a 1949 Ford pickup which
he has told me a great deal about.
Now maybe restore is the wrong word. Joe and I think a lot alike. We don't restore things back to original
spec. We update and modify. So this truck is getting a V8 out of a sports car, disc brakes, modernish
electrics, and new paint. The truck will be incredibly fast off the line and hellishly fun to drive.
Now I myself an a low horse power kind of guy. I like bikes with about 50HP where as Joe likes bikes with
about 150HP. The truck is the same. He is removing the straight 6 that the truck came with for the V8. I
myself love a straight six, and will be sad to see it go.
The new pipes are proving to be quite wonderful. Both of them with their silver bands by the stem, their
wooden bowls which I think are made of briar. The fact that they are made in Dublin is something I find
delightful, and that is simply style I suppose, but they are great for smoking and hang off the jaw just right
so you can smoke hands free. They also come broken in, which is delightful as they light with one match,
where as every pipe I have bought prior to these you had to go through a dozen matches to keep them lit
until they were properly broken in some days later.
Pepsi is of course my drink of choice, and between the drink and the smoking my teeth have suffered most
cruelly. I have never claimed to be an attractive gent, well I used to be about 10 years ago, but now I am
somewhat haggard looking. Something I strive off of. As I cannot ever be with anyone I have to go in a
different direction. That direction for me is opposite of what many others would hope to achieve. I cannot
even begin to remember the last time anyone checked me out, and that is the point. I can't deal with physical
contact anymore - scares the hell out of me - so if I look like hell then I am treated as a wrench and the cute
guys and girls leave me alone, actually everyone does - in the sexual sense. The only time I spend in bed
tends to be with middle aged housewives and that's because I am VERY good at it and they care more about
my being 10-20 years younger than they are than they do that I may not be the best looking guy on the road.
I can only do that, could only do that because it was a job. I can't stand the contact on a purely emotional
level anymore with women than I can with men.
Records continue to be a saving grace for me. I am listening to a Live U2 record from the 80s right now. It's
a bit battered and has been played a LOT, all the high notes have been worn away - funny how you can do
that with records. But that's alright. I would rather listen to a flat record than a brand new CD.
Dreams are something else again. For as long as I can remember I have been having nightmares. I have been
having them nightly since I was 11. That's 14 years of nightmares. Well last night Padraic was in my dreams.
He's a slim bi dude that I have known for about 5 years, on and off, and he's really cool. In the dream we
were cuddling, which was positively wonderful. I think we were both younger in the dream, I was still in my
my teens and he was maybe 17. The added difference is that I am 25 and he is now 19 I think. But it was the
most wonderful dream.
In the beginning of the month I had a dream about Connor who is 18 now, he's a
magnificent actor and a genuinely good guy, and it was not at all sexual, but we were hanging out and I was
being accepted. In that one I was my current age and ran into him and this dude Tom in a grocery store, and
we were all laughing and joking. Then when he and Tom were going out to dinner I invited myself - I re-
member such fear at the thought of rejection, because I didn't want to be alone, I didn't want it to end - and I
think that had he rejected me then the dream would have gone into a nightmare. So Connor was safety. Tom
I have never met, he's younger, but I have seen him in at least two shows at SJ so I know a bit. Well the
dream went through dinner and ended at SJ in the theater working on a set - which is also how I know
Connor - he has helped the tech crew on a couple of sets for PJ's shows which I have been working on since
I was a senior way back in 2002.
Those two dreams are the only two pleasant dreams I have had in the last 14 years, and I would like to think
that having 2 in one month might just mean that there is a chance that my mind is finally repairing itself from
the inside, repair from all of the trauma that I have experienced over the years.
That gives me Hope.
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