The above picture is my wide selection/collection of mostly 35mm cameras, a light meter, and three 8mm movie cameras, one - the big one - shoots wonderful movies and is perfect for animation - although I haven't done anything with it in years - I hope to return to it. Also used it to shoot some pretty decent silent movies back in the day.
Uploading a Youtube video I made for the Gay Teen Forum as there is currently a video thread going, it's harder to have anything worth saying when you have no plan going in, which I didn't so it is useless dribble.
I have the small parts list rigged up for the Triton:
Front Wheel Spindle & Nut $12
Lockring for wheel bearing $22
Wheel bearings $10 each
Spacer $6
Felt Washer $2
New brake shoes $60
Tail light $7
Horn $12
Total: about $163
Then hook up the oil tank, chain, and a few other bits and I have a bike thats on the road and ready to go!
Sean apparently read the whole damned post from last night and the one before it. I promised him dinner the next time he's in town, he offered instantly to fly out and be here tomorrow, cheeky bastard, and of course I have no money so I waved him off with a "don't worry about it" and a "maybe next time or this summer"
Besides my mom nearly died when Will came over a few weeks ago, he's almost 19 (I think) but looks about 16. Me being 25 thats a solid difference. Then a week later I had Liam, Burg, Chin, and Dan here and again she almost died and I had to calm her down. She thinks I'll get accused of interfering with someone and we'll get sued and she'll loose the house. The fun bit was pointing out that even if I was the interfering type, which I am not, any one of those guys could have beat the shit out of me. It's incredible, she sometimes trusts people less than I do. So having Sean over who is just barely 18, well, I think that'd push her over the edge.
Also heard from Ian today, same Ian that I was talking about before. He IM'd me which is rare, I think it's happened three times, maybe only twice. It's pretty cool when it happens because you realize that someone is actually thinking about you or might actually want to talk to you - which means that maybe just maybe he's not just putting up with my rambles when I IM him.
Gotta be careful with Ian though, don't want to spook the dude. He is younger than I am so I have to refrain from telling him he's cute or something, cause I do believe that would very much be the end of our random chats. Phoenix improved me on that, playing it straight for 7 months really cut down my innapropriate comments, all though I am sure I still spook people from time to time, I'm just really good at doing it without intent. He must think I'm creepy, everyone thinks I'm creepy.
Going to go to SJ tomorrow to visit with Stevie, see how the sets going, catch up with Liam a bit, see how Burg has done with the camera. Stevie txted me yesterday at 3am, and I still have no idea what he wanted to talk about. I wonder if I'm in some sort of trouble? Funny the very idea of someone younger than I am giving me shit, I worked that show for years, and yes I know he did too, but I was the right hand man last year, and all official and shit.
I'm growing paranoid in my old age. Wed is Brother's funeral. Paul and I are riding out there, might get joined by Chris too, not sure yet. Going to be wet so I'll probably be in rain gear.
In any event, not much else going on here. Just thinking motorcycle thoughts, thinking about cute guys I know, and contemplating a bath. The pain in my back and chest is at a solid 7, but thats down from where it's been the last few days.
Well alright, I'm going to go escape to some place else. Shouldn't have said anything about the pain, its now rising, I think I'm going to end up superstitious, like the sailors who are my heroes from the 1800s.
Will be good to put some miles on the Triumph tomorrow. I don't know. I feel sort of jipped by SJ sometimes. When I was a student the only known "gay" kids where the ones who were so flamboyant that they terrified most of the students including myself. Last few years you've gotten a broad selection of gay guys who are cool headed and just down to earth and overall great guys. I think that maybe if there had been guys like that when I was there, maybe, just maybe I might have had a shot at healing a bit and resolving some of the trust issues that now seem to have turned to concrete.
On the same note, I discovered a new joy of pipe smoking, not as many people want to hug you if you smell like pipe tobacco, so I don't have to fend them off. Not that all that many people have ever wanted to hug me, but like my brother and friends of my mother no longer want to hug me goodbye when they go, it's just a pat on the shoulder.
I am becoming more withdrawn, except for of course the blogs where I just ramble as if I were rambling into one of my notebooks.
It's like screaming from the roof during a thunder storm (which I've done) you make a hell of a lot of noise, but nobody hears anything you're saying. I prefer it this way.
Still I wonder... where am I going? It's a fair question. Am I going to be able to get a job? Make a life for myself? Get out? Freedom? Find a guy? Have kids? Have a house? Or am I going to be a disabled guy who hobbles about on his cane and remembers the best years of his life which were in high school and the 7 months he spent in Phoenix AZ when he was 24/25?
This isn't self pity. I'm not crying. I'm not upset. I'm really wondering, because if this is as good as it gets for me, I'm going to have to find something else to live for.
Ok, I'm done for now.
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